Not even our midpriced Korean-made automobiles are safe from the antics on TikTok. Earlier this summer, a video on the app teaching people how to steal Kia and Hyundai cars using a screwdriver and a USB cable went viral. The alleged masterminds behind the video are members of a group in Milwaukee called the Kia Boyz. It didn’t take long for the St. Louis branch of the Boyz to catch on—St. Louis officials said that, on average, 23 Kias and Hyundais were stolen each day in August. KSDK reported that the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department saw 1,008 Hyundais and 964 Kias stolen this year, an increase of 1,000 percent. Police in the city and county handed out free club-like steering-wheel locks to try and curb the thefts. Here, eight more creative and completely untested ideas that are just as or even more inconvenient—and might deter the Kia Boyz from using early 2000s technology to make off with your ride.
1. GET SOMEONE TO BLOCK YOU IN. Think of this service as the opposite of Uber. Let’s call it Unter—the German word that’s antonymous to Uber. Instead of paying someone to drive you around in their car, you’ll pay someone to use their car to block yours in a parking spot. No one can steal your ride if an Unter driver’s double-parked next to you.
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2. APPLY YOUR OWN PARKING BOOT. Bonus, the meter maids will leave you alone.
3. PUT A BABY MONITOR ON YOUR DASH. Until Ring debuts a product for cars, you’re going to be at the mercy of old-school surveillance.
4. TAKE YOUR OWN CATALYTIC CONVERTER SO NO ONE ELSE CAN STEAL IT. This method does require watching several YouTube videos on how to remove and reinstall this part of your car.
5. CHAIN YOUR HUBCAP TO YOUR TAIL HITCH. Just don’t forget the key.
6. FILL YOUR CAR WITH BEES. Con: You’ll have to drive around in a beekeeper suit. Pro: Free local honey.
7. PUT SO MANY BUMPER STICKERS ON YOUR CAR THAT THIEVES WILL BE TOO EMBARRASSED TO DRIVE IT. We live in Missouri, where there are some truly wild and sincere instances of bumper-stickery. Capitalize on that energy.
8. CHANGE THE LOGO. If you drive a Kia, then use a Sharpie to change the capital A in the car’s logo decal to an M. Congrats, you are now the proud owner of a Kim.
