How to cope with the death of a loved one this holiday season

As of this week, more than 4,000 Missourians have died from COVID-19.

by

The COVID-19 pandemic brought much unbearable loss this year. As of this week, more than 4,000 people in Missouri have died from the novel coronavirus, with more than 300,000 residents infected. These numbers, of course, don't reflect the other loved ones who have passed away this year. In all, many are grieving this holiday season.  

Dr. John Paruch, a BJC HealthCare psychiatrist at Christian Hospital, says mourning is different for everyone but offers this advice for coping with the death of a loved one this time of year.  

Connect with others. It can be easy for many to become withdrawn while mourning. This feeling of isolation is exacerbated by the need to quarantine this year. It's imperative to seek support from people in your bubble or through Zoom calls. Paruch says you must “have checks and balances with respect to your emotional status.”

Commemorate loved ones. The need to self-isolate due to COVID-19 prevents many people from saying a proper goodbye to their dying loved ones or come together with family to memorialize, which both make the grieving process even harder. Paruch explains: “The sick ones go into the hospital. They are not seen. There’s not the ability to watch them die or even have a funeral which can lead to denial.” He suggests finding closure by commemorating the dead ones. This can include planting a tree, sharing a meal, or looking at photos. “Instead of being sad and missing these people,” Paruch says, “spend some of this holiday season recognizing that they were here by sharing memories of them.”  

Engage in self-care. People often deviate from their normal routines during the holidays and while grieving. It’s important to take care of yourself by making sure you get proper sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Paruch cautions that it might be easier to lean on potentially harmful behaviors like drinking alcohol or overeating to distract from the pain. People will have to be patient with their grief, he says. “Some days will be good; others not so good. But there has to be some hope for the future.” 

If you're a parent, maintain your children's routines and do your best to model appropriate coping behaviors during these challenging circumstances. Consider leading the whole family in daily exercise or meditation. But while you're taking care of your own emotions, don't forget to check in on your children’s, remembering to tailor your language and word choice to their age.   

Seek help. Dealing with grief can be an unfamiliar experience for many. “I think it’s important when you’re dealing with grief to understand what’s normal and what’s not normal,” Paruch says. For example, most people experience the five stages of grief, but the order, duration, and details of those stages differ person to person. If you or someone you know if experiencing thoughts of suicide following the death of a loved one, Paruch says to seek out a mental health professional or support group can help with this. He offers these resources:

Sign up for Current, St. Louis Magazine's email overview of the day's top stories.
Or, check out all of our newsletters.