Where to find grief support in St. Louis

Loss is a natural part of life, and as much as we try to avoid it, almost everyone experiences grief at some point. Working through this painful emotion can be easier with support, and St. Louisans are fortunate to have a number of places to turn when loss strikes.

Local hospice providers begin working with patients, families, and caregivers in the final months of life, addressing what is known as “anticipatory grief.” Lisa Snyder, Mercy bereavement coordinator, notes that the grieving process often begins as soon as individuals learn of a terminal diagnosis or impending death. “It can show up as sadness, anger, isolation, anxiety, and forgetfulness,” she says.

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Anticipatory grief is often compounded when loved ones become caregivers, creating additional stress, she adds. Hospice support groups and counselors can be critical resources for caregivers. Snyder also recommends The Listening Place in Webster Groves, supported by Webster Hills United Methodist Church, which offers a weekly walk-in grief support group at 6 p.m. Wednesdays.

Snyder also suggests that people at any point in the grieving process visit What’s Your Grief, an online resource hub for people who are grieving and those supporting them. Working through the organization’s book, What’s Your Grief: Lists to Help You Through Any Loss, can also be a helpful exercise.

Supporting someone who is grieving can be another daunting task, especially because many people continue to grieve long after the initial flurry of calls, cards, coffees, and meals. Snyder says grief can sometimes feel more difficult in the second year after a loved one’s death, when life continues and the grieving person is still learning how to live without the person who died.

No one’s grief follows a set template, but Snyder mentions three typical coping styles. “One is emotional coping, and those people would find a counselor or support group, talk, journal, cry, and get the emotions out,” she says. “The next one is rational coping where people might want to know about grief theory. They might want to analyze things… And then there are creative copers who do drawing, painting, photography, music, or dance.”

Children and teens who lose a loved one may need specific grief support, and local nonprofit Annie’s Hope provides it. “Kids of all ages grieve. It just looks different than how adults grieve,” says Kaitlyn Paton, director of programs. “How kids express their grief is based on their developmental age and unique personalities. Their understanding of grief, death, and dying will change throughout their developmental growth as they learn more about the world around them.”

Paton and Snyder agree that supporting a grieving person of any age can be as simple and meaningful as being present. “Having patience, listening, being okay with silence, and being curious about their grief experience are gifts we can offer grieving children and teens,” Paton says.

Children, however, may need additional help understanding the permanence of death. “Using concrete language and reducing the use of double-meaning words and phrases, such as ‘passed away,’ ‘sleeping forever,’ and ‘loss,’ can help to avoid confusion surrounding the meaning of death,” she says.

Annie’s Hope offers activity-based peer support groups that use expressive tools and adaptive games to develop coping skills and connect participants with peers who understand the pain of grief. “It’s important to support kids in their grief because unattended grief can have a lifelong impact on the healthy development of a child,” Paton says.

Ultimately, “we have to show up for each other,” Snyder concludes. “We have to be present and really make it a personal mission or a personal commitment to helping each other in this area.”