The St. Louis CITY SC interview room was tense with anticipation as midfielder Edu Löwen spoke with the media for the first time in an official capacity this season. From the moment the German midfielder entered the room at Energizer Park, it became obvious that the midfielder wasn’t there for a usual pre-match press conference.
“First of all, this is not forced,” Löwen said, speaking publicly for the first time since the passing of his wife, Ilona, in March. “I took my time to speak to you guys, to speak publicly. I want to thank so many people.”
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Löwen spoke with bravery and conviction as he recounted his family’s emotional journey over the past two years. “There’s nothing I can say to justify who she was,” he said. “There’s no vocabulary to express the love that we shared, the love that we had for each other.”
Condolences poured out across Major League Soccer following Ilona’s passing. The support of the club, his teammates, and, ultimately, the fans helped center Löwen’s perspective. “You’ve seen in the past, for example, when Diego Jota passed away…how the fans, the soccer world, the world in general reacted to that. But there isn’t a player that’s in focus. It wasn’t me—it’s my wife,” Löwen said, pausing to reflect. “That makes it even more special for me that the fans would support me in that way and honor my wife in that way. It’s truly amazing.”
When Löwen returned to the pitch during CITY’s loss to Seattle in mid-April, he scored in the closing moments and was quickly met with hugs and elation. His teammates have supported Löwen every step of the way, recognizing the outlet Löwen can find in simply playing soccer.
“It obviously doesn’t diminish anything or take away from the pain,” Löwen said. “It’s been a very good outlet. I thought it would be helpful to come and play soccer a little bit, but it’s even more helpful, beautiful, and fun with a team like that…who supported me along the way.”
The joy of soccer has been evident in Löwen’s play. Since returning, the midfielder has helped create goals and scored the game-winning goal in CITY’s US Open Cup win over Chicago.
Löwen knows that expectations will be high for his full return, but grief isn’t linear. “Sometimes it’s not easy being in public, to feel like people are watching you more closely. So I didn’t know how it’s going to be,” Löwen added. “I knew when that happened, I had to be—and I still have to be—very careful not denying or escaping my reality… But I also knew it’s not going to be helpful to completely pull back and isolate myself. Soccer, my team, the community—all of that combined—has been very helpful.”
