If you are a married father of three holding one of the most powerful positions in state government and you get caught sexting a college freshman, apparently causing her university to call home its interns in the middle of a legislative session, it’s hard to imagine that you can actually make things worse with your explanation.
I think House Speaker John Diehl did just that.
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After weeks of declining to respond to inquiries from the Kansas City Star, whose investigative journalism broke the story—and several hours after the newspaper beamed images of his salacious cell phone texts around the planet—Diehl issued the following press release:
“I take full responsibility for my actions and am truly sorry to those I let down. I apologize for the poor judgment I displayed that put me and those closest to me in this situation. I also regret that the woman has been dragged into this situation. The buck stops here. I ask for forgiveness. I will begin immediately working to restore the trust of those closest to me, and getting back to the important work that is required in the final days of session.”
Let’s dissect this thing.
“I take full responsibility for my actions.” What exactly does that mean? Is Diehl graciously telling us not to blame the 19-year-old kid for his actions? Is he absolving the Star for breaking the story? Is he exercising statesmanship in not blaming it all on the culture of permissiveness and loose morals that trouble him so as a politician?
“…and am truly sorry to those I let down.” Any of “those” folks have an identity? The omission of the terms “wife” and “kids” is astonishing.
“I apologize for the poor judgment I displayed that put me and those closest to me in this situation.” Is cheating on one’s wife bad judgment? Is abusing one of the most powerful positions in state government bad judgment? Implied: I’m a great leader whose “display” of “poor judgment” happen to “put me” in this “situation.” Looking for a culprit? Why, the “judgment” did it.
“I also regret that the woman has been dragged into this situation.” The woman? “THE WOMAN?” This is a 19-year-old kid, less than a year out of high school. And not just any kid, one that Diehl seemed exceptionally fond of. How do you suppose it sounds to her to be described as “the woman…dragged into this situation?” I’m sure her parents and other relatives and friends find this especially gratifying.
“The buck stops here.” Thanks, Harry Truman, but what’s next? If I’m not mistaken, what you’re saying is that “the punishment stops here.” With you.
“I ask for forgiveness.” From whom? If this is a veiled reference to a higher power, please spare us. We mortals generally realize it’s not our place to grant forgiveness. But if the ploy here is to avoid consequence from humans because He is taking care of the the “forgiveness” thing, so much for the “buck stops here.”
“I will begin immediately working to restore the trust of those closest to me.” Why, that’s nice and confident. The whole world is just waiting with baited breath to trust you again. And how commendable that this “work” is right at the top of your to-do list.
“…and getting back to the important work that is required in the final days of session.” Yes, by all means, let’s talk about something else—anything else, in fact—because there are far more “important” things than this “situation” with which to occupy our time. Next question?
Actually, I do have a question—quite a few of them—in case the speaker decides to take live questions that might veer somewhat from that pathetic script of his. Here are some that leap to mind:
“Mr. Speaker, if you’re such a man of ‘full responsibility’ and you believe ‘the buck stops here,’ why did you wait until you were caught—and your cellphone texts were actually published—to step forward with your ‘apology?’
“Did you agonize over doing the right thing in this regard when Missouri Southern State University announced that it was recalling its interns from Jefferson City? Did you privately take steps at that time to assure this story wouldn’t become public, and if so, what were those steps?
“We obviously don’t know the full extent of your relationship with ‘this woman,’ but were she to become pregnant and wanted to terminate that pregnancy, what would ‘full responsibility’ entail? Giving emotional and financial support for an abortion? Or if she wanted to bear your child, would ‘full responsibility’ mean stepping forward to support ‘this woman’ and that child as the father?
“Finally, which do you think is harder on the institution of marriage: extramarital conduct or gays and lesbians getting betrothed?”
Perhaps I’ll send these questions to the speaker’s spokesperson, so Diehl might have the opportunity to expand upon his explanation to the people of Missouri. If you have other questions, pass them along as well.
I’m sure that Speaker Diehl would welcome the opportunity to restore your trust.
