Countdown: 32 Schlafly Beers, Ranked from Worst to Best

We see the same handful of Schlafly beers – Hefeweizen, Pale Ale, Dry Hopped APA, Oatmeal Stout, and Kölsch – everywhere in St. Louis. We see these so often, in fact, the St. Louis beer-drinker’s brain can match these five beers with their color of labels: yellow, orange, light green, purple, and dark green.

The Schlafly that we don’t see every day, however, includes beers like Sticky Toffee Porter, White Lager, and Sour Cherry Cider.

In a selfless act of journalistic sacrifice, I sampled 32 of Schlafly’s selections recently at the brewer’s annual Cabin Fever festival. The chilly Saturday outdoor event includes live music, ice carvings and fire pits, but the day centered, of course, around beer.

Some searching is required to find many of our Schlafly favorites, but each of these beers can be found somewhere around town at local bars, restaurants or Schlafly’s own Bottleworks and Tap Room. This list doesn’t include every Schlafly beer, but here are 32 Schlafly beers ranked from worst to best. Sure the list is just one guy’s preference – share your agreement or disagreement in the comments below.

32. Continental IPA – Brewed with nine varieties of hops (with resulting IBU score of 55), this is the arch-enemy of all but the hoppiest of hop-heads.

31. Cyser – Perhaps this is the oldest fermented alcoholic beverage, but, in my opinion, one best left in previous millennia.

30. Sticky Toffee Porter – Stick to the Sticky Toffee Pudding at the Bottleworks and stay away from the Porter.

29. BBIS – At 10.5%, the Bourbon Barrel Imperial Stout will knock your socks off.

28. Maibock – A paler, hoppier version of a bock beer.

27. Pale Ale – Not a bad date, but not the one you take to prom.

26. Pumpkin Ale – Cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves in a bottle.

25. Blackberry Sour – The first, and least favorite, of a surprising variety of Schlafly sours.

24. Irish-Style Extra Stout – Thick as molasses, this Stout isn’t for the faint of heart.

23. Gose – Pucker up…this traditional German brew is salty and tart.

22. ESB – Drink it after a stout, this one will seem light as a cloud. Drink it after one of the sours and it will seem heavy as a rock.

21. Dry Hopped Apple Cider – A bit of hop flavor without the bitterness.

20. Doppelbock – Actually surprised this one didn’t rate higher as I typically am quite fond of Doppelbocks.

19. Hard Apple Cider – Adult apple juice. This should come in juice boxes.

18. Grapefruit IPA – 40 IBUs, but you wouldn’t know it.

17. Hop Trial: Jarrylo – Short-run production featuring the Jarrylo hop. It’s not a big of a deal if you wait for the next one.

16. TIPA – The Tazmanian IPA features hops from down under. It isn’t my favorite, but is worth a try.

15. Pumpkin Stout – I always looked forward to the Autumnal release of the Pumpkin Ale…until now. The stout wins.

14. Oatmeal Stout – Breakfast food, right?

13. Hop Trial: Huell Melon – Hoppy and bitter, but hopefully this special release will not be a stranger.

12. Sour Cherry Cider – If Jolly Ranchers came in liquid form…

11. Gingerbread Warmer – No gingerbread men were harmed in the making of this beer.

10. Stone Fruit Sour – This enjoyable sour involves peaches and apricots added to wheat ale before aging in wine barrels.

9. Dry Hopped APA (above) – These are the hops I can get on board with.

8. Milk Chocolate Stout – A better dessert than most any sweet.

7. Chestnut Mild – This English-style ale made with Missouri chestnuts is what beer should be.

6. Kölsch – The highest ranking of the Schlafly standards.

5. Coffee Stout – Greater than the sum of their parts, coffee and beer.

4. White Lager – Schlafly describes it as zesty; I describe it as “Yes, I’ll have another.”

3. Schwarzbier – German for “black beer,” the Schwarzbier is a black lager worth finding.

2. Christmas Ale – Christmas may be behind us, but this spiced ale is still in season.

1. Cinnamon Vanilla Milk Stout (below) – Rich, creamy, spiced, and perfect.