You’ve barely gotten used to the engagement ring—wearing it or paying for it—and your mind is already racing with wedding-planning thoughts. Where to start? Here’s a prenuptial primer on the first steps to take.
By Shera Dalin
Set your budget. Despite the throes of romantic bliss over your engagement, it’s time to be realistic and think about money. How much do you have to spend on the ceremony and reception? Will it just be you and your intended financing the nuptials, or will one or both sets of parents be paying the freight? Veteran St. Louis wedding consultant Sarah Grus, owner of Sarah Grus Weddings, estimates that the average wedding in this area costs about $25,000. “Without knowing how much money you have to spend, it’s so easy to go crazy and spend more money than you have,” she says. Keep this in mind: Many happy couples are happy spending much less than what industry calls the “average.” The right budget is whatever is right for you and your families.
Pick a date. While some couples start with this step, it’s often helpful to know first just how much is in the till and where you’d most like to spend it. If you’re wondering about competing with other couples, nationally, the most popular month to get married is August, followed by June. If you’re still interested in picking a weekend in those months (and you’re not bothered by the St. Louis heat), keep in mind the Friday evening option. Friday night weddings are often less expensive and easier to book, though they do make it more difficult for out-of-town guests to attend.
Determine what type of ceremony you want. Due in part to an increase in wedding shows and segments on TV, customized ceremonies and receptions are in high demand. Themes are often based on a color palette, ethnicity, tradition or some aspect of the couple’s life together. One wedding that Grus attended had a groom who was known for biking all over town. When guests arrived for the reception, they unclipped their place cards from the spokes of bicycle tires. To find their seat, they had to match a biking picture on the place card to the same image at their table. At the wedding of an Irish Catholic couple, Grus hired an Irish harp player for the opening music—a simple, but meaningful, decision. “You have to be careful and take only one or two elements,” she says. “You don’t want to go hog crazy.”
Book your officiant, ceremony site and reception venue. Based on your budget, research and reserve your wedding and reception locations first. Some popular venues are booked a year in advance, so don’t delay on these two to-dos. Then, line up your officiant. Believe it or not, one of the most common mistakes couples make in wedding planning is forgetting to ask a minister, rabbi or other officiant to perform the wedding, Grus says. And no, it’s not gauche to ask what their fee or preferred honorarium is for providing that essential service. After you’ve reserved the officiant, it’s time to book your photographer, a florist and, if funds permit, a coordinator. All of the above can be researched through personal interviews and visits, online reading and conversations with friends and family.
Draw up a guest list. Now comes the real horse trading. This aspect of wedding planning can be stressful, but there are a few strategies that can help diffuse the tension. Set a limit on the number of guests the couple will invite, Grus suggests, and then allot a set number for each set of parents to invite. If parents can’t winnow their list to the limit, this may be the moment—if they are contributing money—when they decide to kick in a bit more. Remember that between 10 and 15 percent of invited guests will decline the invitation. Some long-married couples suggest that if you’re on the fence about a particular guest—you’ve gone back and forth and back—you probably won’t come to regret at least making the invitation. But you might regret not doing so.
Select the members of the wedding party. This is going to be the party posse, support network, pageantry procession and, hopefully, part of the crew that will make your wedding come together. Traditionally, this includes bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, ring bearers and ushers. While soloists, candle lighters or readers are usually not considered part of the proper wedding party, you should be considering these roles at this time. Remember that there are no “rules” on this—some couples have a whole team of bridesmaids and groomsmen; others just a few. And new trends are always happening. One “new” idea, according to Grus, has actually been revived from the Victorian era: page boys (in the 6- to 11-year-old range) holding the bride’s train, and a bell ringer (typically a boy too old to be a ring bearer) walking down the aisle ringing a bell to announce the bride. “It’s a really neat, unexpected thing,” Grus says.
