Photo by Kevin A. Roberts
Kayla Seiber aka Tupac Shank-Her, explains the ins and outs of becoming an Arch Rival Roller Girl.
• This is my fourth season in roller derby with the Arch Rival Roller Girls. I’m a member of the M-80s team. The Arch Rivals’ local teams also include the Stunt Devils and the Smashinistas.
• We play on an oval track, just like NASCAR. Each team has four blockers and one jammer. The jammer has a star on her helmet. The jammers try to get through the packs of blockers. The blockers play offense and defense simultaneously. The jammer scores a point for each opposing blocker she passes.
• There’s a lot of contact in the pack of blockers. They’re hitting each other constantly. You can’t hit someone with your hands or elbows or on the head, but you can hit somebody chest to thigh, or with the outside of your arms or your butt. You’re falling and getting up a lot. People get a lot of penalties. There’s a lot of smashing of bodies.
• You can get used to skating on a rink that seats 200 people in the stands, always smells like gym socks, and is poorly lit. Then you go to Chaifetz Arena, which feels like the big time. It’s almost dizzying to look up and see so many people; it’s a little intimidating. There are instant replays and spotlights and people actually working there! It feels like a professional sport. When you see yourself fall on the Jumbotron in slow motion, you say, “Look, Ma, I’ve made it!” [Laughs.]
• For me, derby is the only thing that’s ever made me feel like I can completely be 100 percent authentic in myself. Before I started, I was clinically depressed and had severe anxiety, was living alone in Springfield, Missouri, with no friends, and I weighed 300 pounds. I had never skated until my first practice. Thirty people cheered me on anyway—they wanted me to succeed. They cussed at me, and they had tattoos, and they were really cool.
• I stuck with it. I got better. I moved to St. Louis and made great friends. I lost 120 pounds. A lot of people will tell you derby has changed their life. It made them strong, and then they got out of bad relationships or came out of the closet or just moved away from bad situations. It’s incredibly empowering.
• There are a lot of women with fun derby nicknames in St. Louis. We have Grave Danger, Mayor Francis Slayer, Chewblocka, Cruella Belleville, Jamheiser Bush…
• We wear a uniform with a lot of pads. We have kneepads, elbow pads, wrist guards, a helmet, and a mouth guard. We have to buy insurance every year. Knock on wood, I haven’t had any serious injuries.
• I had tendinitis in my kneecaps. I’ve received tons of bruises and lots of Velcro burns. You get one of those every day at practice. You get it on your arms when you get hit by other people’s pads. The biggest thing for me is rink rash from falling. And hematomas—I have a hematoma in my calf that gives me a Charlie horse every other day or so. Sometimes you have to drain them. It’s really gross. Sometimes they form a ball under the skin you can kinda move around. It’s disgusting, but fascinating.
• We see a lot of tibia and fibula breaks at the ankle because you’re strapped into roller skates, and a lot of knee injuries, like ACL tears and stressing. It’s unfortunate, but it’s typical of the sport. We practice four times a week, sometimes five. When you’re skating that much, you can get injuries.
• Giving myself the nickname “Tupac Shank-Her” came from getting a “THUG LIFE” tattoo on the inside of my lip. I got it in college. I was totally sober. I’ve always been the biggest wimp, so I was just being ironic and thinking it would be hilarious.
• We’re very close to the guys in the men’s league. My fiancé plays for the men’s team, and at practice, I get to knock around dudes all the time, which feels great. The men will be playing at Chaifetz, too—the men’s and women’s championships are the same night.
• Kids really get into roller derby. It can be life-changing for young girls to watch. I wish I had seen it as a girl. It can do wonders for confidence and letting you be who you are.
• Once you start derby, it’s not a hobby—it’s a lifestyle.
The Arch Rival Roller Girls Championships are scheduled for June 13 at Chaifetz Arena.
