via flickr/craigcloutier
Driving in the snow in St. Louis is like the opposite of a race: the person who takes the longest wins.
The first serious snowfall is something of a holiday in St. Louis. And no, we’re not talking about getting classes or work canceled for a snow day. We’re talking about the annual celebration of just how bad St. Louisans can be at driving in the snow.
Every year, as the first few inches of snow dust up the roads and highways, St. Louis transplants remind their adopted city that not everyone freaks out after every snowstorm:
So if you’re new to St. Louis or just never noticed how widespread the city’s panic is on the first snow day, here’s our 12-step guide to driving in the snow like you were raised on gooey butter cake:
1. Check to see if classes at your high-school alma mater are canceled for a snow day. (Note: Do this regardless of how many years you’ve been out of school.)
2. Pick your route, and ready yourself for a tough slog. (Don’t forget snacks.)
3. Forget everything you ever knew about driving.
4. Once you’re on the road, ride your brakes hard...
5. ...or don’t use them at all.
6. Get excited when you reach double-digit speeds on the highway.
7. Driving in the snow in St. Louis is like the opposite of a race: the person who takes the longest wins. Time it so that you can brag to co-workers how long it took you to get from here to there.
8. Calculate how disproportionate St. Louis’ reaction to snow is compared to the actual amount of snowfall.
9. Complain about the lack of snow plows and salt trucks…
10. ...until you hit one.
11. Try to save others from your fate.
12. Swear to yourself that next time, you’re taking the Metro.
