When a couple walks into my office I see three entities: two individuals and the marriage they've created together. A marriage lives outside of each person, and is the expression of how a couple interacts with one another. When I view a marriage through this lens, I see each interaction as an opportunity to protect or potentially harm the union. If you view your marriage like a crystal ball being passed back and forth between you, than you will likely think twice about what your end of the interaction sounds and looks like.
I've seen couples lob the crystal ball and over time throw it back and forth. Then, sooner or later, they begin to beam it at each other not really caring what happens to their partners or if the ball drops, cracks or shatters. And just like a crystal ball, a couple can shatter their marriage beyond repair. Over time, all marriages crack but how a couple mends it makes all the difference.
The best way to repair a crack is with honest communication, understanding, and with each individual taking ownership of how they interact with their partner. If a couple tries to repair the cracks using “duck tape,” picking up the pieces, jamming them together and wrapping tape around it -- without talking about how and why the crack or break happened -- the crystal ball hasn’t been mended. You’ll see the cracks and know you’re living with a broken marriage.
Be careful about the words you use, your facial expressions and your behavior. Each moment in a marriage is an opportunity to protect it or harm it. You have a responsibility over your end of the interaction, and you can make the decision to treat your marriage like a crystal ball. If you feel that your partner is not, let them know you’re worried your marriage is being damaged.
