The Perfect Fit

For St. Louisans looking into private high schools for their kids, one thing is clear: Choice is abundant. The region’s packed with well-regarded schools, and the options are as varied as they are scattered. 

“It’s not a one-size-fits-all,” says Ed Maggart, head of school at Webster Groves’ College School.

All this choice is great—but so many options can feel overwhelming. We spoke with parents, admissions directors, and guidance counselors about the high school search process and how to make it manageable.

Finding the right fit is as much about doing your homework as it is about listening to your gut (and your child’s). The process can be intense and occasionally stressful, but it can also lead to some wonderful years that shape both your student and your family. 

1: Keep an open mind.

With so much information readily available, it’s easy to develop preconceived ideas of “the perfect fit.” School rankings are published in plain view. Stereotypes wind through the grapevines. Legacies and traditions lay out a tempting script for kids to follow. And yet many parents we spoke with referenced surprises—schools that weren’t presumed favorites became the one to beat.

That was the case for Craig Williams and his son, Evan. “Going in, I knew that on paper there was a school that was probably the best from the standpoint of statistics and rankings,” Williams says, “and I tried to throw all of that out and look at it from the standpoint of where Evan would find the best collaboration opportunities with students and teachers.”

After much consideration, Evan chose John Burroughs School, where he’s now a sophomore. “It’s more about ideal fit than perfect fit—it’s not like buying a pair of pants,” Williams says. “There is definitely going to be some adjustment on the part of the student and the family.”

2: Enjoy the journey.

The search can be intense, but parents say it’s also an opportunity to gain insight into their children. “It can actually teach you about yourself and your kiddo,” says Caroline LaVigne, director of admissions at John Burroughs School. For Craig Williams, the process took some heavy lifting, but he also says it was a fun learning experience. “The essays that Evan wrote were mind-blowing. I loved reading them,” he says. “I’m seeing the rubber meet the road.”

3: Actively engage with the school.

Literature and word of mouth are great research starting points, but nothing beats getting on campus or attending events at which you and your child will hear directly from faculty and students.

One comprehensive option: Parent Awareness—Secondary and High School Night, an annual event run by the Independent Schools of St. Louis. Think of it as a school expo, where parents can hear from a variety of schools to get a better feel for their options. This year, the event will be held October 8 at Whitfield School. Even if you attend, “it is vital to go to the school and take tours,” says Jamie Driver, executive director of the Independent Schools of St. Louis.

Many schools offer shadow days, which place visiting students in a day of classes to see firsthand how things unfold. “It’s a truly immersive visit,” says Stephen Held, director of admissions at Thomas Jefferson School. “We try to give them the best taste possible.” Parents also have an opportunity to sit in on classes. At John Burroughs School, a program called Closer Look is designed to let parents see for themselves the style of learning and caliber of teachers.

Summer enrichment programs offer another avenue for assessing the fit and feel of a school, says Anja Schmelter, director of admissions at St. Louis University High School. These programs are taught by SLUH teachers and can give students a sense of the school’s environment and the rigor. 

4: Start the process early.

Most private and independent grade schools will introduce the search in seventh grade, giving students and families a solid year to familiarize themselves with the options before the application frenzy begins. “Have some time up front that’s not hectic, and have your list narrowed by the start of eighth grade,” says the College School’s Ed Maggart.

When parents and students are more prepared, it makes the process less stressful. It also gives parents time to explore tuition assistance options. “For those looking into financial aid, it’s important to be in the first round of admission,” says Marcia Renken, principal of the Academy of the Sacred Heart. Not every school can offer aid throughout the year, so parents need to be prompt in applying for it to lock in funds before they’re disbursed to other families. Another option: merit-based scholarships, which are also often allocated early in the process.

One other factor to consider: the Secondary School Admission Test, or SSAT. Starting the search process early can galvanize students to prepare for the test, and it helps parents and students plan ahead for it. “There is a big chunk of time where you can have multiple options to take the test,” says Jason Marks, director of operations at Mackler Associates, a test prep company in Creve Coeur. “If the student wants to take it at a particular school where they might be more comfortable, those are things you look into in advance.”

5: Dig into the academic approach.

A great education isn’t just about what students learn; it’s also about how they learn it. A common refrain from parents, counselors, and admissions officers: Think carefully about how your child will react to various teaching styles. When Elisa Pritchett looked at schools with daughter Maisie, differentiated learning was a sticking point. “I wanted a school that left things more open and flexible for growth,” she says. She found just that at Thomas Jefferson School, where small class sizes allow more time for educators to address students’ needs. Now, Maisie is challenging herself with honors courses. 

6: Have candid conversations with your child.

“Sometimes it takes a pretty frank conversation,” says the College School’s Maggart. “The goals, interests, and abilities of your child might not be the same as yours, and it’s important to recognize that.” Start by asking questions to understand how your child feels at his or her current school, including what the child likes and doesn’t like. Explain that school is an investment, full of opportunities, and then find out which of those opportunities appeal to the child.

“As parents, it’s important that we ask the right questions so our kids are making informed choices—but ultimately it’s their choice,” says Jeff Pitts whose three sons chose SLUH. “You can guide them, but your son or daughter is going to be there for the next four years.”

7: Unpack the extracurriculars.

Prospective students should assess their extracurricular options—and be flexible if the original plan doesn’t work out. Jeff Pitts’ eldest son, Jack, took up wrestling after being cut from the basketball team. It was an alternative path with the same result: being part of a team. “We tell parents their son will come to SLUH with an idea of what he is going to do, and when he graduates he will have done things that he or you never expected him to do,” says Pitts, who’s an officer in the SLUH Fathers’ Club. Whether it’s sports, theater, robotics, or community service, he says “everybody can find their niche and grow from there.”

8: Connect with the culture.

Veterans of the high school admissions process say each school has a distinct flavor, and it’s often reflected in the school’s mission statement. “Read it,” says the Independent Schools of St. Louis’ Jamie Driver. “Find out what that school stands for, what’s important to them. Does that mesh with what you’re looking for?” Visiting a school should confirm the vibe and help you identify the values that matter most there.

Family fit matters, too. “As a parent, think about what you want the next few years to look like for your family,” says Caroline LaVigne of John Burroughs. That means considering your role in the community and assessing your comfort with the school staff and fellow parents.

9: Listen to expert guidance. 

“Rely on the counselors at your middle school to help you through the next step,” says Maggart. “They know the schools inside and out.”

Pritchett is grateful to the head of Community School, where daughter Maisie attended. They were planning to apply broadly until the head of school suggested Thomas Jefferson. “If you’re fortunate enough to have a head of school, teacher, or counselor who says a particular school is really the place for your kid,” she says, “at least have a look.”

Another source of advice: admissions officers. “We are here to help,” says La-Vigne. “It’s better to call and ask a question—even if you think it’s silly—than to have a sense of dread hanging over you.”