We tend to be sensitive to our partner’s mood or changes in behavior. We pick up on subtle shifts in tone or tension. When our partner behaves in ways we aren’t used to, we typically want to address it. “What’s wrong with you?” we’ll often ask. This kind of grilling can put a person on the defensive. They may have had a tough day at work, or the kids might have been fighting and they’re frustrated. There are many reasons why your spouse’s mood may have shifted. If these moments are temporary, giving your spouse some space may take care of it. But if their negative mood lingers, it may signal a bigger issue at-hand.
If you can relate to this, it may be helpful to understand the symptoms of depression: sadness, the inability to enjoy things you used to, changes in sleep and eating habits, irritability, social withdraw, difficulty concentrating, fatigue, and decrease in sexual desire. A combination of these symptoms must occur for at least two consecutive weeks and across all facets of life to be considered depression. If you think your spouse may be suffering from depression, then you may want to approach him or her to let them know you’re concerned about their well-being.
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Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with you lately?” You may want to say something like, “I’m concerned that you don’t seem to be enjoying life the way you used to, and I’m worried that maybe you’re suffering from depression. I’ve noticed a change in your mood and that worries me.” When people are depressed they either know it or are completely unaware. Addressing the issue with your spouse can be difficult, but if your intentions are good it should be communicated through your tone and demeanor.
If your spouse wants help, seek a professional.
Christianne Judy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in couples therapy. She maintains a private practice in O’Fallon, IL with nine other practitioners at Counseling Associates of Southern Illinois. Judy is a Certified Gottman Therapist and a graduate of the Washington University George Warren Brown School of Social Work.
