Courtesy of Stephen Rutherford
Rutherford and one of his exchange students
Stephen Rutherford, a volunteer with the nonprofit cultural exchange program Youth for Understanding, has hosted more than 20 exchange students. Welcoming these exchange students, Rutherford says, is a life-changing experience for them. He knows because he went through the same program. In 1985, when Rutherford was a high school student in Chesterfield, he traveled to Japan to live with a Japanese family as part of the YFU program. “I knew I was going to be living with a family, but I didn't know I was going to become a part of that family,” he remembers. Twenty years later, when he and his wife were busy raising four young children, Rutherford persuaded her to host their own exchange student with YFU—and they’ve been doing it ever since. They’ve welcomed high school students from Brazil, China, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Japan, Jordan, Korea, Norway, Poland, Spain, and Switzerland, and Rutherford has helped match more than 70 families with students as a volunteer.
“I believe that hosting has been one of the greatest gifts that we have given to our natural children because it has taught them to have empathy for others who don't think or act or sometimes look the same as they do,” Rutherford says. “Our kids have a greater sense of humanity toward others. When we talk about issues going on in the world, they have a brother there, and they have that instant connection. We have a son from Hungary and a son from Poland, and they were here at the time that Russia invaded Ukraine. They weren't sure what was going to happen to their countries, and it was very tough. Our kids understand the situation so much more because it's not just something that they're watching on television.”
If you’re curious about hosting an exchange student, now is the time to start thinking about applying in preparation for the new school year. Rutherford walks us through some of the things to consider:
- Most people who host are middle or working class. You don’t have to have high schoolers to host, but think about how a high school student would fit into your family. “When our kids were in elementary school, it was a wonderful time to host. We always tried to pick someone who had younger siblings so that they weren't freaked out.” Empty-nesters or people without children can also be a good fit for a student, too. Rutherford often hears positive comments from students matched with a family without children. “They’ll say, ‘For the first time in my life, I don't have to compete with anybody for attention. I’m the center of their universe,’” he says.
- The family chooses the student; the student simply signs up to come to the United States. Rutherford suggests selecting a student who shares similar interests with your family so you can spend more time with one another. “We're a soccer family, so we like to pick kids who play soccer,” he says.
- Once a family selects a student, YFU will call the family’s public school district and ask if they have a spot for an exchange student on a J visa. Each school district reserves a different number of spots for these students. The student must show their YFU application, transcripts, immunization records, English proficiency score, and photo and letter.
- Adults in the host family also must have a background check and home visit. Once all of that is approved and the student is accepted at school, the placement becomes permanent and the family can communicate with the student.
- Students complete pre-departure orientation. Families are prepped as well with a pre-arrival orientation and a local coordinator who contacts the family monthly and can answer any questions that come up during the student’s time in the United States. Families also meet up with other host families throughout the semester for activities like potlucks, trips to Six Flags, or pumpkin carving. But overall, you’re not there to entertain the students. They come to the United States for the experience of attending an American high school.
- The State Department prohibits compensating families who host. The things you must provide for the student are a bed to sleep in, transportation to and from school and other school activities, and meals. Food is the biggest expense, and Rutherford guesses that he spends about $100–$200 extra a month for the student. “If you eat out all the time, it's going to be more,” he says. “If you're at home then it's different, so it depends on the family.”
- Students aren’t allowed to drive or drink alcohol, but dating and other home matters are up to the host family. There will be cultural differences that you have to navigate, and try to think of them as not better or worse but rather different, Rutherford says. Communicating is essential. “I'm amazed at how many people don't talk,” Rutherford says. “I had a family call me one time because their host student was in the bathroom for 40 minutes every morning and it was making them late for work and school. They asked me, ‘What is he doing in there?’ And I'm like, ‘Why don't you ask him?’”
- One of the biggest keys to success for Rutherford is that he never treats students as guests. “I'm his dad, and he's my son,” he says. “If you can see your student as a member of your family, then you never want the year to end.”
