Throughout the years our partners can do things to hurt us. I’m not talking about using a condescending tone, or not meeting our needs sometimes. They may have an affair, hide an addiction, or leave us without enough money to pay the bills. They can change their behavior, begin to lie and hide things from us. All of these actions hurt us, and the marriage. They take a toll on our trust.
If you have experienced such a thing you know the pain that comes with it. If your partner is heartfelt in his or her remorse, asks for forgiveness and you want to save the marriage, then you have to figure out a way to manage the hurt. Your partner can and should be central to that process, but there are things you can do, too. If you are struggling with past hurts and are having a hard time letting go of the past, try the following exercise:
Write a letter to your partner and let them know about your pain. Get your feelings down on paper. No one is going to read the letter so don’t hold back. After you’ve written down how you feel, follow by writing down statements like, “I want to let this go. I don’t want to carry around the anger, hurt and pain any longer. We are moving forward and the anger is weighing me down.” Secondly, do one of three things with the letter: 1) burn it safely and watch it turn to ash; 2) bury it; or 3) put it in a balloon and fill it with helium and let it go. Watch it until it disappears.
Letting go of past hurts is a process, the above suggestion is the first step.
