Laugh and Have Fun with Your Spouse…But Not too Much!

Hanging out with a group of friends can be a nice change of pace for a couple. Involving other people in your social life provokes new conversation and ideas, provides a glimpse into a different side of your spouse, and it’s often times just plain fun. There are plenty of benefits to spending time with other people but there are potential pitfalls, too. Your partner’s friends might like poking fun at your spouse and that can make for light, funny moments. But don’t add too much to the joke or your partner may end up feeling exposed to criticism. This may not be your intent, but it might not feel that way to your other half. 

I work with a couple in their 40s and the husband has a significant hearing problem. His wife has asked him to get his hearing checked because she knows how bad it is. But she is also aware that her husband feels embarrassed by the problem. One evening, while they were out with friends, his buddies began to give him a hard time about it. His wife saw this as an opportunity to communicate how she felt about it so she began telling stories and using his hearing problem as the butt of the joke. She told the group that he wouldn’t get it checked because he considers himself too ‘manly’.  For a while, the husband tried to laugh along but after a while he shut down and stayed that way for the remainder of the evening. When it was time to leave, the wife had no idea why he was upset with her. From her perspective, it was a fun evening and everyone was just kidding around. 

Try to avoid making fun of your spouses’ sensitivities. Don’t encourage laughing or joking. Instead, consider doing the opposite. Add a positive comment about their personality or tell the group how much you love them despite whatever it is that has everyone laughing so hard. This will make your partner feel protected and loved. It also encourages the feeling that you’re on their side, which goes a long way to fostering trust.