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* NOTE: This article appears in the 2019 Private School Handbook.
Maybe it was handing over your phone at a restaurant so your child would sit still. Or perhaps it was plopping your kid in front of a TV so you could finish the laundry. As a parent, you’ve likely had a moment when you allowed your child to have more time with electronics than you’d prefer. You’re not alone. Parents around the world are trying to find the right balance. Studies on the detriments of screen time are in their infancy, but early reports are not good. “Too much screen time is being associated with lower psychological well-being, less curiosity, more difficulty with friendships, more distractibility, less emotional steadiness, and less ability to complete tasks,” says Community School’s assistant head Kathy Fitzgerald. But it is possible to limit screen time and encourage “the important work of childhood.” Here are seven expert tips.
1. YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU THINK.
The ubiquity of screens may seem overwhelming, but “today’s parents have been around screens for most of their lives,” says Robert K. Cooke, head of school at Community School. “The first laptop program I taught was in 1999, which means the students I taught at 16 are now in their mid-thirties.” You understand the allure of screens—and you have plenty of firsthand experience of instead choosing to spend time with loved ones, read a book, or sit outside.
2. BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL.
It’s hard to make kids follow rules that they see parents breaking. “If we come home and turn on the TV or we’re on our phones and computers, our children will want to be, too,” says Rachel Dixon, director of the lower school at Rossman School. “My tip to parents is try to be a role model and set some boundaries with your family. So maybe when you come home at the end of a long day, that’s homework time or dinnertime, where [screens] are all put away.”
3. USE YOUR RESOURCES.
Not sure how much screen time is too much? The American Academy of Pediatrics suggests none for children under 2, no more than one hour per day of high-quality programming for children ages 2 through 5, and consistent limits for children ages 6 and older. (Visit healthychildren.org for tips on creating a media plan for your family.) As for which programs your kids should consume? Common Sense Media (commonsensemedia.org) gives the lowdown on movies, TV shows, apps, and games. It tells you whether certain programs are age-appropriate for your kid, educational, or easy to play or feature positive role models.
4. EXPLAIN THE SITUATION.
When making a media plan, “talk to the child in an age-appropriate way,” says Kara Douglass, head of school at The Fulton School at St. Albans. “Explain that you’re realizing that you’ve been allowing them to be on screens too much, and this is not good for their brains.” She also recommends having the kids help create the media plan if appropriate. When implementing the plan, “sympathize with their disappointment and frustration,” says Douglass. “And then implement.”
5. WATCH FOR SLEEP HABITS.
Screens should be turned in at least an hour before bedtime so kids can sleep. “A kid seeming overly tired is something we approach parents about,” says Douglass, “because it’s usually related to screen time in the middle of the night.” Keep devices out of bedrooms. (A good trick: Keep the charging equipment for phones and tablets in a common area.) You can better control how long your kids are online if they can only access the media in a public space, such as the kitchen or living room.
6. PLAN PLAY.
Dixon limits her children to one hour of screen time per day, only on weekends. “Even with those limits, sometimes it’s hard to turn it off,” she says. “You get pushback and tantrums, so be prepared with something else to pique their interest.” Her son loves Cars, so after watching some of the movie, they’ll build cars together out of cardboard or set up a demolition derby in the backyard. “It’s about finding ways of extending what children love on the screen through other forms of play,” she says.
7. THERE IS GOOD SCREEN TIME.
Yes, there are productive ways to use the screen with your kids. After all, they’re growing up in a tech-laden world. So what does good screen time look like? Parents should get engaged with what their kids are doing online. Play a game with them; watch videos together. There are myriad educational resources, such as Smithsonian Learning Lab, Khan Academy, JetPunk, and Quizlet, that allow kids to conduct research, watch informative videos, drill facts, and review flashcards. Online resources also provide a way of teaching kids about online citizenship and responsibility. Screen time can also mean FaceTiming with relatives or doing something creative, such as drawing or writing. Learning healthy screen habits is just like adopting healthy eating habits—parents have to be there to steer their kids in the right direction. “There’s so much good and joy in really constructive uses of screen time,” says Douglass, “but kids need adult supervision. It’s a lot like dessert: We don’t need to stay out of the candy store. We just need guidelines about how much we’re going to eat.”
