Whatever it is in life that takes up most of your time and energy, it’s important for couples to remember to cultivate their relationship.
In many marriages, however, children are often prioritized over a spouse. “We’ll travel when the kids are older,” I often hear clients say to me. “We’ll go out to the movies or attend a concert once the children are out of the house.” But as time-consuming and exhausting as raising children is, it’s in the best interest of the couple to make time for each other. I too often see couples in therapy who’ve spent nearly every weekend for years at a time at a child’s soccer or hockey tournaments only to wonder why they no longer feel connected as husband and wife. If you plan to place your marriage on a shelf and take it down once the kids are grown, don’t expect to find it in tip-top shape.
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While this is certainly easier said than done, start by making a conscious effort everyday. If you aren’t able to travel or to go out due to finances or a lack of babysitters, then consider organizing your evenings around each other: to talk, to laugh, or to watch a favorite show.
Get off Facebook and Instagram, and connect with your spouse now.
Christianne Judy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker specializing in couples therapy. She maintains a private practice in O’Fallon, IL with nine other practitioners at Counseling Associates of Southern Illinois. Judy is a Certified Gottman Therapist and a graduate of the Washington University George Warren Brown School of Social Work.
