What do restaurant staffers think of couples who “side-sit” in a booth or banquette? —Patrick B., St. Louis
Perhaps the questioner is a Curb Your Enthusiasm fan, as ever-offending curmudgeon Larry David side-sat beside his ex-wife, Cheryl, in a recent episode. Larry was fine with it, while Cheryl deemed it “a little close” and “too intimate.”
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It’s a legit question, especially as it’s Valentine’s Day and there’s apt to be a lot of side-sitting occurring tonight, maybe even “an epidemic,” as David described the preponderance of wobbly restaurant tables in the same episode.
To properly analyze the situation, consider the three subsets of side-sitting:
Back-sitting: When a couple sits on the wall side of a banquette, facing out.
Side-sitting: Larry David’s interpretation, i.e., when one guest is at the back of the banquette and the other guest pulls his/her chair around to sit next to them.
Side-by-side–sitting: When a couple sits on the same side of a booth, facing the same way.
One article addressing “dating’s greatest quandary” states that “side-by-side is all about romance. Face-to-face all about conversation.” But face-to-face can also be more intimate, as couples gaze into one another’s eyes. Others believe that “once you hit the teen years, it’s time to sit on opposite sides of the booth, as grown-ups do.” There are those who insist on lots of elbow room when eating. And it goes without saying that first-date side-sitting is never a good idea.
We also queried a few restaurateurs on the subject, who, in turn, queried their restaurants’ servers. Clearly, such unorthodoxy gives some servers pause. Among the printable comments:
- “It’s weird.”
- “It leads to PDAs and touchy feely stuff in the restaurant.”
- “Very awkward, especially in a booth.”
- “It’s fine if they are watching a game or something.”
- “In 2020, it’s socially weird.”
- “It doesn’t bother me, but I don’t understand why they do it.”
- There are also those who contend that “same-siders” take longer to eat.
As an occasional participant, I can partially defend the practice. Generally, I contend that diners should not have to sit across from each other all the time. When couples are seated at a table where there’s a view, it’s not unreasonable for them to both face the view. (On Bar Les Frere’s terraced patio, for example, the bistro chairs are placed at a slight angle, so both guests partially face each other as well as the street.) Similarly, when couples are seated at a four-top, it’s permissible (even preferred) that they “share a corner” and sit at a 90-degree angle from one another.
In the case of back-sitting, if one guest at a banquette is forced to face an unadorned wall and if there’s room to back-sit without rubbing shoulders with your neighbor and there’s room at the table for proper service, I take no issue. But when a couple is seated at a deuce and chooses to back sit, comfort, convenience, and service falls apart—for everyone nearby—and should therefore be avoided.
Regarding Larry David-esque side-sitting, I vote no. Moving a chair into a service aisle is problematic, and sitting with one’s back to one table while facing guests at another is just plain boorish—but very Larry David.
Regarding side-by-side booth sitting, there should be no objection. Often, the reason is a sporting event (when a TV can best be viewed from one side). No one is being inconvenienced, conversation is easier at that range, sharing food is easier, and, last but not least, doing so ups the intimacy level. Whispering is permitted; snickering is acceptable; PDAs are not. Feeding each other food borders on the latter. And as the men in blue say, “keep your hands where we can see them.”
So should you and your dining companion choose to side-sit tonight and encounter someone’s stink eye, don’t incriminate me. Blame L.D.
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