Gabe Montesanti’s first memoir, Brace for Impact, took readers on a journey of self-discovery as the author dove head first into St. Louis’ roller derby scene. Now, Montesanti is back with another memoir, this time exploring their experiences as a burgeoning drag king—then drag thing, defying any gendered characterization—while navigating bipolar disorder. Drag Thing: A Memoir of Mania and Mirrors, out April 21 from Arsenal Pulp Press, is a revealing memoir that celebrates queerness, creativity, and community while acknowledging the struggles that come with seeking and embracing them.
While this story begins in Denton, Texas, during Monstesanti’s visiting professorship at the University of North Texas, it quickly returns to St. Louis, where the city becomes a key character as the narrator explores The Grove’s queer spaces, wanders Delmar seeking supplies and inspiration, and becomes immersed in the local drag scene. Monstesanti began writing Drag Thing almost immediately after completing Brace for Impact, keeping meticulous notes as they began their journey with drag. While portions of the book have appeared in other forms in other publications, Montesanti knew from the start that Drag Thing was a book in the making.
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“I knew early on that Drag Thing could be a book, and I started taking notes early in the process after every drag show, after every makeup session I did with a drag performer, after every conversation I had with someone who was involved in the community—everything I thought could be potentially involved in the book. I wrote copious notes and also journaled every day,” Montesanti says.
Their recollections of mania and depression, of drag success and relationship struggles, are accompanied by watercolor drawings in Montesanti’s illustrative, almost-Cubist style. They shy away from nothing—joyful recollections of successful performances and feelings of creative fulfillment are accompanied by memories from time in a mental health facility and the end of their marriage. While the work is deeply personal, Montesanti takes the unique approach of viewing their past self as “the narrator,” a real person, but in some ways a character separate from who they are today.
“I keep a very strong difference between the writer or the narrator or the persona versus ‘me’ or ‘myself’ because there is a distinction between those two parts,” Montesanti says. “There’s no way to portray the whole self, as much as we can try. That’s something that was really drilled into me in school and that I really emphasized with my students. I really cling to that.”
Monstesanti is hardly the first to capture the intertwining of creativity and mental health struggles, and they’re aware of their presence in that long and complicated history. “One of the most important things for me was researching other bipolar artists. The work of [An Unquiet Mind author] Kay Redfield Jamison was really important. She talks about that link [between bipolar disorder and creativity] a lot. Using materials that other drag artists weren’t using like sponges and sunglass lenses, I think I was just using neural networks that were kind of off the beaten path a little bit,” Montesanti says. “I was figuring out how I could utilize these things at the same time, how I could utilize the creativity that is a superpower for drag. I hesitate to say superpower, because [the mania] can also be a huge detriment. And I did suffer a lot of the consequences that were side effects of the bipolar. But at the time, it gave me certain qualities that allowed me to be successful in drag.”
Drag Thing is, at its core, a hopeful tale. When violence and proposed legislation threaten Missouri’s queer community members, there are artists and activists ready to speak up. As one relationship flounders, other drag performers embrace, encourage, and support Montesanti. When they have to leave one home, they find another in an unassuming house in a blossoming queer community. When one creative endeavor must come to an end, there is more art and work to be done. Monstesanti possesses the audacity of persistence, and by the book’s end, readers will be hard pressed not to root for them.
With Drag Thing out in the world, the next project on the list is promotion. That includes an author event at .ZACK on April 22 hosted by Left Bank Books, where a surprise guest performance is “highly likely.” After that, Montesanti says the sky’s the limit as far as future projects.
“I’ve been doing a lot of visual arts in addition to writing since I turned in the manuscript—some film photography and more watercolors, more acrylics. I just feel unlimited in what my capacity could be for what I will create,” Montesanti says. “I truly have never felt this much hope in terms of what I can create. I feel really inspired by the city, and I feel really empowered.”
