About a year ago, we had a little discourse on “Hooker Chic”, did we not? Well, apparently nobody was paying attention because I’ve been to a couple of parties lately and it seems that there are women dressing like hookers without really thinking they are.
How cheap do you look? So often, girls don’t know the difference between sexy and cheap. Men never do. Unless a guy wants to marry you, he would probably enjoy taking you to Niche with you wearing a garter belt and peek-a-boo bra. We all know that’s inappropriate attire for outside the home, but let’s have a cheap check and please do not make me repeat myself.
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Cheap Look #1: White high heels. Never, not even on your back, honey. White high heels are complete and total trailer park fare.
Cheap Look #2: Showing skin between the top of your boot and the hem of your skirt. Either get a pair of proper heels or a longer skirt. This is not just trailer trash fare, this is streetwalker. I will take on any girl, no matter how gorgeous, in black-tie attire. You can wear your tacky skirt/boot combo and I will wear floor-length and I can out-hot you. And I’m 46.
Cheap Look #3: The French manicure with extremely long fingernails. Do I need to say that a pale manicure with white tips is so outre that it doesn’t even exist in the real world? But when you go extra long, so long that people call you Edward Scissorhands, remove them. You know, snap them off and toss them from whence they came. If you can’t make a phone call without using a pencil tip to dial, your nails are too long. And frankly, men are scared by this. Would you want to touched with hard objects akin to spikes?
Cheap Look #4: Hair that has been sprayed only around the face and sides with a flat back. This looks as if you have been laying in bed on your back all day. Get my drift?
Cheap Look #5: Lots of foundation on the skin. This is downright disgusting. If you have good skin, why hide it? And if you have bad skin, why are you putting spackle over it? Do you think that’s really helping the situation?
Cheap Look #6: A scoopback dress with a bra showing. I don’t care if the bra is Swarovski-encrusted by hand by Lady GaGa herself, get your buns to Nordstrom and ask for a bra that will not show with that dress. (Ask for Zelda.)
Cheap Look #7 : Anything emblazoned “Juicy” or “Pink” across your bum. Yuck to both of those adjectives when used in that area.
Most hip-hop video attire is probably not on anyone’s “must-have” list unless, of course, you are dating Young Jeezy. I am not. And I have no plans in any of my futures, near or distant, to do so, but if you see through my windows at night and I’m dancing Gangnam Style in a cheetah leggings and a bandeau top, you may buy me pants that say “Hypocrite” across my bum.
