Have you ever been to the Museo del Prado in Madrid? With it being one of the world’s most magnificent collections of art, you quickly become overwhelmed. It’s not just an embarrassment of riches—it’s a tsunami of saturation for them. You find yourself strolling past a Rembrandt and barely giving it a glance since, after all, you’ve already seen half a dozen.
Wally’s (950 Assembly Parkway), the just-opened…what? gas plantation? city-size truck stop? monument to road-trip consumerism? Wally’s seems to be all of that and more—a lot more. As you wander around, you quickly think, “Well, yes, what roadside gas joint doesn’t have a full selection of Bundt pans for sale?”
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The new Fenton store along I-44 is what might happen if a sporting goods and outdoor store invited the world’s largest food court mall over and told them to bring a liquor mega-mart with them. Then a convenience store soda fountain came along, after growing way too big for its natural habitat, and a boutique joined the party.
And we haven’t even mentioned the jerky emporium.
In the ’30s, when what was then the legendary Route 66 threaded through Fenton and across the Meramec, it was a big deal when the basically dirt road finally got an asphalt topping and travelers could cut back on the number of spare inner tubes they’d been forced to pack to fix continual flats that deflated on the rocky path. Elmer and Cletis pumped gas and changed spark plugs from service stations roughly the dimensions of today’s SUVs.
Inside those old stations, the wifi connection was, shall we say, spotty. And if travelers wanted to purchase, oh, say a colorful barrel-size smoker, a slice of birthday cake, or matching earrings and necklaces, they were pretty much out of luck.
As we stood in front of Wally’s, a building large enough to house a zeppelin with room left over for a latte café, we thought about how those FDR-era motorists might have reacted to this place. But once inside, we mostly wandered around, even more slack-jawed than usual, trying to take it all in.
Any place that has giant side-by-side signs overhead directing you to “Jerky” and “Booze” obviously has much to recommend it. Imagine an entire wall-to-wall display of packaged jerky, which is fine for the average jerky provisioner. But really, you’re at Wally’s. That means there’s also a dedicated jerky dealership where the freshly desiccated beef is heaped in mounds, and you pick your choices from a glass-fronted counter and have them weighed and wrapped.
As for the aforementioned booze, it’s a stunning selection of hooch, appropriate for any occasion from a fishing trip to a Sunday at Ascot. High-end whiskies, vodka, and other spirits crowd long shelves, and beers for every taste gleam in bottles and cans behind glass. There’s even a refrigerated cavern to keep the frosties frosty. (Don’t worry: You can also buy coolers of every dimension to keep ‘em that way.)
A café offers lattes, premium ice cream from local producer Ronnie’s Ice Cream, and a tres cool machine rolls oranges along a track and into squeezers that spill juices into a glass. Like some popcorn? Wally’s devotes a separate counter for it, with various flavors. We saw stacks of five-gallon buckets in the store, which we thought were for camping uses. We were told, however, that they were also perfect for filling with popcorn for snacking, apparently, on those road trips where after bidding adieu to Fenton, your next planned stop is just the other side of Tucumcari.
Speaking of drinks, the soda fountain offers cups that range from Super-Size to Super-Duper Size to Holds Enough to Float a C-Class Sloop. And with more than 60 varieties of soda, you ain’t leaving thirsty.
The longest line was in front of Wally’s in-store bakery, with pizzas and pastries, cookies, and icing-topped scones. The shortest lines were at the restrooms, which—we’re not kidding here—are worth a visit themselves. They’re enormous. They are composed less of stalls, more of individual meditation carrels. The sinks are magic. And some surgery centers are less sanitized.
Are you one of those churls who forgets an important anniversary until the last minute? Drop by Wally’s (open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year) to pick up an adorable, hand-painted enameled tea pot to charm your significant other. And did we mention the jerky counter? Yes, Wally’s can be more than just a traveling adventure—it has the power to save marriages.
All of this is just a lead-up though, to the barbecue carving station. Brisket slices fall before the knife of a carver and are loaded onto buns and swaddled in paper. Pulled pork, chopped brisket, turkey, even a hot-doggish link of pastrami are hot and ready, though you may have to wait for the freshly fried chips, which come out still warm. The brisket is tender, moist, cut a little thicker than you might like but by far the best brisket you’ve had in a place that also sells wiper fluid. The sauce is more sweet than smoky—Wally did his homework and apparently discovered the local affection for sugary sauce.
On your way to check out, you’ll go right past displays of about a thousand delicacies: coleslaw, potato salad, and salad, along with what was described simply as a couscous salad but which was a happily constructed mélange of fresh spinach, grill-scorched corn, black beans, and red peppers, along with couscous balls in a light, vinegary dressing. All of it would have been perfectly at home in an upscale restaurant.
There’s more. So much more. We haven’t even gotten to the candy selection at Wally’s. And the sweet t-shirts and hats. But as with the Prado, you eventually become overwhelmed. You’re apt to walk right past the taxidermy diorama in the Camping Department and say, “Oh yeah, a raccoon standing next to a campfire, wearing a sombrero and strumming an ukulele,” and just keep right on going, never appreciating how grand it all is.
Wally’s is that kind of place. There are 71 pumps out front, and odds are most of them will be pumping when you visit. Inside, it’s just as busy, with the popcorn machines churning, the Sloosh dispensers spilling out a sort of creamy, icy slurry in flavors like strawberry lemonade, honey jalapeño jerky being sold by the pound. It’s easy to forget why you even came in and—hey, are those chocolate muffins they just took out of the oven?
