The holidays are typically a happy time. However, for many, this time of year might be painful because of the loss of loved ones. Whether the individuals died during the holiday time, within the past year, or even years ago, people’s grief may still be raw and heightened during the holiday season.
We asked Tamara Blum, a licensed clinical social worker and president of Psychotherapy Saint Louis, to suggest some ways to cope during this time.
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1. Ask close ones for support
“It’s important to let the people close to you know that you are struggling. Especially if the death is several years out. They may not know,” Blum says. It is not a good idea to keep it to yourself.
2. Honor deceased relatives
Decide as a family how to honor late family members. What traditions you want to keep and what traditions you want to start. Blum offers some ideas:
- Light a memorial candle for the loved one.
- Give a memorial donation to a charity that is meaningful for you or the deceased.
- Make a memory jar. Blum says, “Leading up to the holidays, everyone can write a favorite memory of that person and put it in the jar. This can be one of the gifts you open for Hanukkah and/or Christmas.”
- Or, if you prefer to avoid the holidays completely, you can travel somewhere and come back with a fresh start.
3. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to grieve
Nor is there a certain timetable. “As long as everyone is safe in their grief—meaning there is no harm to self or anyone else—honor each other’s grief wherever they may be. Everyone’s process is valid,” Blum says. She also notes that sometimes people’s grief can be exacerbated if they are being hard on themselves. Stop judging yourself and accept where you are in the process.
4. Focus on self-care
“Pay attention to what you need and how you are feeling. Do not be afraid to say no. Don’t do more than what you feel comfortable doing,” Blum says.
5. Recognize when you need more help
Lastly, Blum says, “if you are really struggling, such as having trouble with your sleep or with your mood, consider seeing a therapist. Especially one specializing in grief, because we are here to help you with that.” Or, if you prefer, seek a support group.
If you’re struggling with the death of a loved one some resources include: Annie’s Hope, Mercy Hospital’s Saint Louis Area Bereavement Support Groups and Resources, and Bereaved Parents of the USA.
