Illustration by Danny Elchert
A February 2 election will decide who fills the seat left vacant by former Democratic state Rep. T.D. El-Amin, who pleaded guilty in September to soliciting bribes from a local business owner. With El-Amin the third St. Louis politician to resign in the past year following charges of corruption—around the same time scandals erupted in South Carolina and Illinois—Missouri might live up to that bellwether rep after all. To prevent embarrassment, we suggest posing these polygraph questions to the candidates.
1) Have you ever used the phrase “I’ve got this thing, and it’s f—in’ golden”?
2) Do you ask for more than a receipt after you stop off at the gas station?
3) Does your “wide stance” in airport restrooms ever result in, er, accidental games of footsie?
4) Would a friend totally want you to “throw him under the bus,” even posthumously?
5) Are frequent-flyer miles to Argentina indicative of more than a favorite vacation spot?
6) Do you have expensive taste in women—like $1,000 per hour and up?
7) Do you store your life savings next to your frozen pizza?
8) Do you, or anyone you know, consider impounded cars a cheaper alternative to Hertz?
