The November issue included a conversation with Psychological Associates' Robert Lefton, who became a “shrink to the stars” for the corporate world. Here are just a handful of takeaways from one of PA’s Leadership Through People Skills workshops.
St. Louis-based Psychological Associates has been training employees and advising CEOs for 60 years, and its clients are now scattered all over the world. We tiptoed into one of PA’s Leadership Through People Skills workshops and found quite an assortment of participants: tough former military guys and engineering types, warm human services and philanthropy folks, straight business people, a law dean. Much of the workshop was highly confidential, because people had brought real-life scenarios they wanted to resolve. There was a lot of groaning when they were told they’d practice new ways of communicating, then watch a videotape of themselves and let the group critique them.
It’s the best way to learn, Bagsby assured them. And there was plenty they wanted to learn: how to light a fire under passive or bored employees; how to “manage up” to egomaniacal CEOs; how to avoid time sucks and workplace tantrums; how to get coworkers to pay attention, to welcome change, to collaborate across generations and races and sexes and genders…
“Can we change who people are?” asked facilitator Patricia Bagsby, vice president of organizational consulting for PA. “Maybe, but it’s not going to happen in a three-day workshop. What we can do is focus on behavior.”
And she proceeded to show them how.
The Model
PA’s model has four quadrants, and the axes that divide them gauge how much warmth and drive is guiding someone’s behavior.
• Behavior is Q1 if it’s all about hard-driving control, devoid of empathy.
• It’s Q2 if it’s cautious and avoidant, without either warmth or drive to push someone past their wariness.
• It’s Q3 if it’s all about winning other people’s approval and having fun, with no drive to be productive.
• It’s Q4 if it hits that happy balance of warmth and drive, allowing you to be assertive without being aggressive and collaborative without caving.
How to Motivate
We all move in and out of these quadrants every day—and certain situations might push us into a quadrant we wouldn’t otherwise choose. (In a crisis, Q1 behavior might be useful. If you’re worried about your own economic security, you might resort to a less helpful kind of Q1 or hide in Q2.)
Still, we tend to land most often in one quadrant, and that’s where they’re helpful. If you’re trying to motivate someone, you want to start off closer to where that person is. If they’re in quiet, risk-averse Q2, you don’t bounce into their office and enthuse about how fabulous they’ll be in this new project. Instead, you talk about how their role in the new project will help stabilize a rocky situation, and you emphasize all the things that won’t change. What Q2 needs is stability and security.
• If they’re in Q1, you praise them for excelling and let them know they’ll have free rein in meeting the new challenge without being micromanaged. What Q1 needs is independence.
• If they’re in sociable Q3, you emphasize how they’ll be helping the rest of the team. What Q3 needs is a sense of belonging.
• If they’re in Q4, you talk in terms of teamwork and problem-solving, which will be inherently appealing and satisfying.
Decoding Your Boss’ “Ego”
• First, you have to know what your boss’s boss is like to understand what your boss is facing.
• Second, you have to get beyond labels. “All behavior is an expression of an underlying need,” Bagsby points out. “People love to talk about egos, but if you go under the surface and talk about the needs of that person, you begin to understand. They have a need for control. That comes from somewhere. You can address that need.”
• When somebody is ego-driven, Bagsby says, “the key is asking questions, because there are a lot of assumptions under that ego. You have to be prepared for the conversation; don’t waste their time. And don’t overdo the soothing and ego-stroking, or they’ll lose respect for you. Be respectful but confident.”
Difficult Conversations
People are afraid to have tough, honest conversations, Bagsby says, “because they don’t trust themselves to give constructive feedback. There’s potential not to be liked; there’s the unknown of how they’ll respond; there’s the need to give up control; and there’s the danger that, because you’re so rushed by your own deadlines, you won’t feel prepared.
• “What keeps you in Q4 is listening. We have a tendency to want to diagnose everybody: ‘That person is unprofessional.’ What does that even mean? Focus on the behavior.”
• The checklist for an effective conversation? You make a personal statement about your goal. Then you let the person know its benefit to them. You listen closely—not just waiting for a chance to interject your next thought. Often high-powered execs are in a rush, impatient with listening. Don’t hesitate to take notes during the conversation. Sum up the other person’s position so you can make sure you’ve got it straight. End by asking, “Is there anything else?”
• If somebody seems sarcastic or negative, start by making the MRI—the most respectful interpretation—of their behavior. If they’re sullen, ask wide-open questions. If they’re chatty and keep digressing, use closed questions to get them back on track.
• A shorthand check of how you’re doing: Is the conversation driving toward results? Is it focused on “me” or “we”?
Toxic Bitterness
When just one employee is bitter and resentful, there’s a very real danger of emotional contagion. Meanwhile, the bitter employee has set a pattern it’s hard to break; they have to keep making those jaded cracks. “It wears away at the trust on multiple levels,” Bagsby says, “and as they stay, they create spinoff toxic relationships. “You come in thinking you can help, and you start to see things through their eyes,” says Emily Ingalls, PA’s director of organizational consulting.
