Why I Hate Old Newsboys Day

Neon Memes • In the court of public opinion, dissing a charity rivals kicking a crip―um, an individual afflicted with a physical disability. Still, "fools rush in." In that light, since moving to St. Louis in 1990, I've hated Old Newsboys Day literally to this day. Now, I would never gainsay the philanthropic spirit informing the charity since its founding in 1957. I would, however, question not only how many of its 5,000 volunteers ever toiled as newsboys, but also how many of them have ever overseen mechanized or digitized schemes that superannuated newsboys of all ages, in all industries, at all levels―except, of course, the "C suite." Charitable impulses aside, I also would question the judgment of anyone willing to partner, even tangentially, with the excremental Lee Enterprises. Finally and most tellingly, I would question the safety of Old Newsboys Day. Although its website mentions "hundreds of street corners," today's morning commute from the South Side to Brentwood reconfirmed that many of the charity's volunteers―some of them in their less-than-sprightly seventh or eighth decade―blithely trespass in traffic at rush hour. They thus risk a game of Loft the Geezer with inattentive motorists―and charity without wisdom strikes me as foolish. ―Bryan A. Hollerbach, Managing Editor