Photograph by Scott Rovak
Click HERE for a gallery of images from Spring Training taken by photographer Scott Rovak.
For a certain subset of especially intense baseball fans, Spring Training is both the most exciting part of the year and the least useful. It means baseball is back, but most of the information that feeds their—I'll be honest, our—baseball addiction is locked up on empty practice fields and inside player-development offices. The Grapefruit League is finally in session, which means box scores are back, but there aren't enough games, or at-bats pitting Major League hitters against Major League pitchers, to draw any conclusions from them.
I used to be an especially dour baseball conversationalist, but this year I've decided I want to talk Spring Training like a normal human being, even if it means holding my tongue at crucial moments. With that in mind, I've assembled three sure-fire Spring Training conversation stoppers, which I will try my best to avoid.
1. Yeah, but he's not very good.
Once a year some minor leaguer will hit 15 consecutive ground balls right between the shortstop and the third baseman and become some fans' ideal replacement for whoever on the roster has been most recently accused of dogging it or being overpaid. This year there's no especially gritty infielder hitting .400—the Spring Training superstar composite sketch would show a 5-foot-6-inch slap hitter who pulls at his batting gloves or gets loose in the field in a particularly novel way—but someone, maybe speedy outfielder Adron Chambers, is bound to get an outsized share of fan-chatter attention by the end of the month.
When somebody who does not know what BAbip stands for talks about how much they like the way Chambers plays hard every day or never takes an at-bat off, and how he's hitting .400 over eight Spring Training games, then, don't say, "Well, yeah, but he's not very good."
It's true—anybody in AAA could hit .400 over eight Spring Training games, and might, given enough chances—but your conversation will be over. Just nod, say you like the way he wears his cap, too, and try to change the subject before you begin explaining batting average on balls in play to your dentist. The man has his hands in your mouth.
2. It's a small sample size problem, really.
This is "he's not very good" for players who are actually very good. If Albert Pujols strikes out four times tomorrow someone is bound to ascribe it to distractions over his contract situation, or their theory that he's really 50 years old, or the phase of the moon. All of these are equally likely, because it's probably just a symptom of cutting statistics into really small, arbitrary samples.
Suggest this, lest you allow someone to besmirch Albert Pujols's good name, but avoid saying the words "Small Sample Size." People can hear the capital letters.
3. It's not going to happen.
This is the only one that's to be avoided specifically because it might not be true. The Cardinals have done fine work of shredding practicality-based prognostication in recent years—they turned Braden Looper, who hadn't started since high school, into an innings-eater, and made Skip Schumaker into what is at least ostensibly a starting second baseman.
So believe it: They fully intend to turn set-up man Kyle McClellan into their fifth starter and broken-down first baseman Lance Berkman into their right fielder. And if they announce, tomorrow, that Adron Chambers is their new third baseman, don't roll your eyes. That one's for your sake.
