The Thing (Almost) on the Doorstep

Neon Memes • Dunkity-dunk-dunk. As I stood in the bathroom readying for work, that tattoo, odd and low-pitched, instantly made me think my bungalow's plumbing was malfunctioning―big-time. Then, clearly from outside the house, the tattoo recurred. Dunkity-dunk-dunk. "Some damned kids," said I to myself, "going over the gate." However, a quick peek into the predawn gray from my study revealed no neighborhood urchins blithely trespassing after having scaled the locked chain-link postern separating my front and back lawns. So I went to the living room and peeked through its large, old Venetian blind. An indistinct beast as big as a basketball squatted on the front walk. I squinted at the charcoal blur, puzzled. A stray cat? No. Directly, the thing moved from my yard to my neighbor's with a decidedly nonfeline gait―something like a cartoonish saunter. Because I was standing there in the altogether, I demurred at opening the front door in hopes of identifying it. A rat on steroids, perhaps? A mutant possum, maybe? A raccoon that took Bugs Bunny's "wrong turn at Albuquerque"? No bloody idea. ―Bryan A. Hollerbach, Managing Editor