Ode to a Lawn Mower

Neon Memes • Like its owner, my Rally walk-behind rotary lawn mower has seen better days. This past Saturday, for perhaps the final time this year, I availed myself of its Briggs & Stratton–powered services, as I've done countless times since purchasing it soon after the May 1992 purchase of my bungalow. Our long-standing man-machine partnership almost didn't come to pass. Shortly after I bought the bungalow, someone burglarized my garage, but the "party or parties unknown" overlooked my trusty Model No. A103F in its dark corner. Since then, my small lawn has never demanded much of the Rally, which has weathered both the planned obsolescence of contemporary consumer society and today's tech trendiness. (It lacks a mulcher, let alone GPS and an iPod dock.) Still, its end may be nearing. My father had to replace its throttle last year, and the rim of its gas tank may have a hairline crack―aptly enough, I suppose, in an era of petroleum incontinence. Poor thing. If the burglars of '92 were to revisit my garage today seeking fast flea-market meth money, they might still steal my Rally―but I can't help suspecting they'd then return it with a snotty note. ―Bryan A. Hollerbach, Managing Editor