Can You Hear Me Now?

Neon Memes • The average (hypothetical) reader of this blog likely owns a cellphone or even a smartphone only slightly larger than a postage stamp. Packing my pocket, though, is a honkin' Nokia 3390, largely purchased to use in roadside emergencies and to sweet-talk a blonde who jilted me 5.21 nanoseconds after that purchase in 2002. (Yes, 2002―six years ago, fully four generations under Moore's Law of technological obsolescence.) In a BlackBerry era, I'm toting a cantaloupe, with the emphasis on can't―can't download Diamanda Galás' oeuvre for ringtones, for instance, or hack NORAD. Nevertheless, my limited little "candy bar" is starting to make me feel way too Philip K. Dick. Although always locked when not in use, it has tended more and more in the past six months or so to come unlocked spontaneously. "Beep!" will go my pocket, and the Nokia's display will disclose that it's rung an unfamiliar number. In such cases, I can't help wondering (a) whom it rang, (b) why it rang them and (c) if they're armed for an "extraction." ―Bryan A. Hollerbach, Managing Editor