A Kiss-Off

Neon Memes • Dear Lee: What will it take to persuade you to leave me alone, to convince you that your own stupidity and arrogance doomed our relationship? Admittedly, it never amounted to much of a relationship. We coexisted, nothing more. Our days passed in a dispassionate haze. Then you fell on hard times of your own devising and decided to abuse our coexistence with an ultimatum. Such naiveté! When you stated your terms, I realized I'd miss you not one whit―and I haven't missed you. Why, then, won't you go away? Why, then, have you kept pestering me, reappearing at odd times and, with a vile mix of servility and self-importance, demanding money. Pffft! Come, now. All of my relatives and friends and neighbors know about your self-inflicted financial woes, and no one really sympathizes―especially after that tawdry Net identity theft you perpetrated. Your "freebies"? Worthless. Pimp your nonsense to some other prospective john. I want nothing to do with you ever again. In that respect, I would appreciate it if you'd stop sporadically littering my lawn with "no, really, you can still subscribe to this rag" copies of the South City/County Journal. You made your bed. Now die in it. ―Bryan A. Hollerbach, Managing Editor