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The rabbit in Kira Hudson Banks’ backyard is named Herbert. If this were any other year, she says, she wouldn’t even know Herbert existed. But, as she works from home, he’s become one of the Saint Louis University associate psychology professor’s sources of comfort. “This is going to sound silly, but I have watched this bunny grow up in my backyard as I am sitting on calls,” she says. “It’s important to think about how you can cultivate those small moments of joy rather than relying on some of those outside stimuli.”
Between juggling teaching and childcare, Banks spends much of her time advising others on the year’s two biggest traumas: the COVID-19 pandemic and systemic racism. Their intersection has revealed what anyone who studies oppression, gender, or race already knew: “The pandemic is shining a light at the disparities that existed before it started,” says Banks.
Women are already seeing an increased impact. A recent Washington University study found that this spring, in heterosexual married couples, women reduced their work hours to care for children four or five times more often than did fathers. And that isn’t the end of the disparities for women. “In some ways, the jobs [often occupied] by women have been hit harder. In some ways, we’ve seen instances of domestic violence increase,” Banks notes. “In terms of gender roles, women still bear the brunt of a lot of household duties. Even if you are able to work from home, that keeps you from being as productive as you could be given if there were more equity in the way gender norms are distributed.”
Here, she explains what many women are feeling—and what we can learn from it.
The added stress takes a toll. “It impacts folks across the spectrum, psychologically and physiologically. In some ways, it’s an increased cognitive load, and it’s another variable that you have to factor into your life,” Banks says. “When we are stressed, that makes us more susceptible to illness. It makes it more difficult to manage our interpersonal relationships—which creates tension in the home, where most of us are.”
Isolation is different for everyone. “Depending on the configuration of a person’s life, they could feel deprived,” Banks says—but they could also feel overwhelmed. “I’ve spoken with a lot of mothers who have young kids, and they don’t get a break,” she says. “We think about isolation from others outside our home in terms of deprivation, but there is also the possibility of being overstimulated or overwhelmed by interactions with people in our home.”
“It’s unrealistic to put pressure on ourselves to come out of the pandemic a new person,” Hudson Banks says. Many people are pushing themselves to transform a physique, learn a new language, or finally write that book. “That is a luxury and a privilege to be able to focus [on that] and have all of your basic needs met and maybe have that fear of contracting the virus be so low because you don’t have to leave,” she says. “There are other folks who are not able to pay rent or make their mortgage. They’re stressing about basic needs.”
Everyone has a different tolerance for risk. Missouri’s early-August COVID-19 numbers mirrored April’s. Banks discourages judging others who are feeling more anxious about contracting the virus. She also warns against judging those who are willing to take the risk, wear a mask, and socially distance themselves to have that interaction or keep a job. Banks likens some people’s denial of COVID-19 risk to the differences in how we move through the stages of grief.
Give each other grace. “There have been so many lives lost,” Banks says. “You don’t know if someone has lost someone close to them and they weren’t able to be with them or they weren’t able to have their normal rituals... I hope we take compassion into the next year.”
