Holidays are a wonderful time for celebrating time honored traditions. It’s also a time when we are reminded of loved ones, friends, and others who are no longer with us. Coping with loss is never easy; however, during the holidays it can be especially difficult and even debilitating for those of us who may have unresolved grief. Lack of sleep, losing focus at work, becoming distant and detached from everyday life often becomes commonplace, leaving our spouses, significant others, and family members at a loss as to how to help us reconnect. How do you help someone find their way out of darkness when they are in the midst of despair?
Loss can present itself in many different forms; such as the loss of employment, a home, finances, or in the most common instance, loss of a loved one. In any event, loss is usually coupled with grief. Grief is a process encompassing several stages. St. Louis Children’s Hospital’s Wellness Center and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross along with David Kessler lists these stages and definitions as follows:
Denial: It is during this stage that an individual may be in shock and disbelief. This stage often helps an individual cope, making survival possible.
Anger: This is a necessary emotion causing loved ones to question the loss along with feelings of abandonment. It is also an indication of the intensity of love.
Bargaining: In this stage many experience “if only,” where we question what we could or should have done to prevent the loss.
Depression or sadness: This stage encompasses feelings of emptiness and grief on a deeper level, coming to the realization that our loved one is truly gone.
Acceptance: This stage is about accepting the reality that our loved one is physically gone and recognizing that this new reality is permanent. We never like this reality, but eventually accept it and learn to live with it realizing that it is the new norm with which we must learn to live. Recognizing that we must re-adjust, re-organize roles, re-assign them to others or take them on ourselves becomes evident.
Many times, individuals coping with loss just need a compassionate listening ear to help them process their loss while moving through these stages, eventually leading to a place of acceptance. Helping loved ones focus on memorable times rather than reliving events leading to the loss can be helpful in assisting those who may be stuck in the grief process. There are other times when professional help may be warranted, specifically when an individual becomes noticeably depressed, incapacitated, and or no longer desires to carry out daily life functions. In any event, it is important that family members, significant others, and friends be patient and understanding while loved ones work through their grief.
If you or someone you know is experiencing grief as a result of a form of loss, the following St. Louis resources may be helpful.
Annie’s Hope: A community-based nonprofit organization providing comprehensive support services for children, teens, and their families who are grieving the loss of someone significant.
Grief Support Groups Serving St.Louis: http://www.alz.org/stl/documents/stlreportgrief.pdf
Aline Hanrahan is a Licensed Professional Counselor practicing in St. Charles and St. Louis Counties. She specializes in individual, child, family, and marriage counseling and has serviced the mental health and public school systems for 20 years. For more info, visit alinehanrahan.com.
