The emotions that often follow a tragedy can be difficult to handle and process as we question the reason behind these events. Often feelings of helplessness, blaming and recounting the events surface as we attempt to process feelings of safety and uncertainty. Following are some tips by award-winning author and speaker Julia Cook that may prove useful in helping to talk to your kids about tragedy:
1. Remain calm and reassuring—create an environment where children will feel comfortable asking questions.
2. Always answer a child’s questions truthfully with simple answers. You don’t need to go into more detail than necessary, but lying to your children or making up facts will ultimately confuse them. Eventually, when children find out the truth about what happened, they may struggle with trusting you in the future.
3. You may be asked to repeat your answers several times. Be consistent in your reply, and realize that your repetitive answers are reassuring your child’s “need to know” and building upon their sense of security.
4. Children often feel out of control when disasters occur. Keeping with a familiar routine is very important when trying to reestablish the security of feeling in control.
5. If your child asks a question that you do not know the answer to, it’s ok to say “I don’t know.”
6. Encourage kids to talk about disaster-related events on their terms. Never force a child to ask a question or to talk about an incident until he/she is ready.
7. Reassure your child that many people out there are helping those who are hurting. You may want to let your child make a card for someone who is suffering. Giving to those in need of support allows a child to feel like he/she can make a difference in helping out with a terrible situation.
8. Keep your child away from watching news stations and listening to radio where the disaster is being discussed and replayed. Sensationalizing the events that have occurred will only upset and confuse your child further.
9. Promote positive coping and problem solving skills. Remember—You are your child’s coping instructor. Your children are very interested to how your respond to local and national events. They also may be listening to every word you say when you discuss these events with other adults.
10. Emphasize children’s resiliency. Fortunately, most children, even those who are exposed to trauma, are quite resilient.
Remember, often times talking is the first step to healing.
