What's best for my marriage? I believe this one question could change your marriage forever.
When we are single, we ask ourselves, “What's best for me?” For example, “Should I go out tonight? Should I go shopping and then out with friends? Should I add that cute guy to my friends list on Facebook?”
Many things change when we get married, and this is one of them. The question-and-answering process needs to change. Every day, we are faced with multiple situations that require a decision to be made. What will that decision be and will it be best for your marriage?
Asking yourself the question is the first part, and then you have to answer it. If you ask yourself, “Would it be best for my marriage to get on Facebook and chat with old friends?” The answer may be no, so—this is where the hard part comes in—you don’t do it.
You might ask, “Isn’t that being controlled by my partner? There is nothing wrong with saying hi to old friends. I’m not doing anything wrong.” I have heard it all, and each time I ask, "What is best for your marriage?" People know the answer deep within every time.
I’m not the one that is right. You know the answer. Sometimes you don’t like the answer that you know is true. But if you are the one asking yourself the question, then you are the one making the decision not to do it. You can’t blame your partner for not allowing you to talk to old friends on Facebook. That is not true. You are making the choice based on knowing your marriage and doing what is best for it.
What would you be doing differently if you asked yourself this one question?
Christianne Judy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Gottman Therapist. She maintains a private practice in O'Fallon, Ill., and presents couples workshops in Missouri. To learn more about her, visit christiannejudy.com or stlouiscouplesworkshops.com.
