No matter what’s going on in your life, the present is all you have. There’s no turning back the clock or speeding up time. For some people this is difficult to accept. Many of us want to go back in time, hoping to make things different than they are. Others worry about the unknown. But we can’t stop the passage of time. We have no control over what will happen in the future, nor can we go back and change what has already taken place.
While working with couples I often hear worries about the unknown, or hear from couples who are stuck in the past. I counsel them to stay focused on the present because there’s no such thing as the future. Tomorrow becomes today, and so on and so on. If you’re doing what’s best for your marriage today, then you’re doing what you can control.
The substance abuse genre gets this right with the motto, One Day at a Time, and that is exactly what I’m talking about. That is all any of us have. If you’re hoping that you and your partner will stay connected over time, my question to you is this: Are you doing what you need to do to stay connected today? If so, that’s great. If the answer is no, then start now. Your tomorrows are made of todays. We have no control over what will happen, we can only control our thoughts, feelings and behaviors at the present moment.
When you're worried or anxious about the future, ask yourself if what's bothering you is happening at this very moment. If no, then focus on what’s happening in the present and tune in. If yes, then ask yourself if you’re doing all you can to lessen the chances of a negative outcome. If you’re not, then focus on what you could be doing differently to help create a more positive result. If your answer is yes, then you must find solace in knowing you’re doing everything you can do. Don’t worry about tomorrow, it will become today soon enough.
