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Kids fixate on numbers, says Melissa Pillot, a librarian and media specialist at Forsyth School. Last week, after Trump supporters attacked the U.S. Capitol, she fielded questions like, "How many arrests were made?" and "How many people died?" Fostering appropriate conversations with children can be a lot for any teacher or parent, especially when they're watching the news unfold on their phones and TVs and hearing about it from just about everyone.
“While asking kids how they feel about a big event can be kind of overwhelming," she says, "asking them about a single moment or fact at a time can give you time to absorb what they know and what they want to know."
It's most important to keep that communication open and ask children to name their feelings. Pillot suggests that parents make sure to address the events and begin conversations about how what the children read or watched made them feel. Use prompts such as “Tell me more,” and “What makes you think that?” and “What do you think we should do about it?”
But be prepared for questions, too. You can better direct them by asking exactly what questions they have about the events; asking “Do you have any questions?” can discourage them from having questions. “What words do you need help understanding?” gives them an opportunity to use a phrase they might naturally feel uncomfortable about.
“Terms like white supremacist and systemic racism are big terms that can make kids and adults uneasy,” reminds Pillot. “Let them name those words and start to piece together how your family can learn more.”
Asking the children questions about their thoughts is a good way to do this and does not force your own judgment, says Ricky Cooper, of Archway Therapy. Parents should guide children to form their own opinions instead of preaching their own. “With what is going on and the climate of the world now it is a good opportunity for parents to teach kids how to be autonomous but also at the same time respectful,” he says.
"What happened was wrong," is an effective way to set the tone for the conversation with children, says Pillot. A mother of two herself, she hopes parents know that admitting their own faults and lack of knowledge also sets a good example.
Parents and children can take on education and discussion around the storming of the Capitol together. This can help teach kids how to research, read and comprehend the news, and be skeptical of the information they're finding on social media. “Media literacy is a cornerstone of inquiry and will help children develop critical thinking skills as well as become better humans,” Pillot says.
Pillot suggests the following helpful tools for parents:
Many of Cooper's patients have wanted to discuss and ask questions about COVID-19. “School is a huge social support and sometimes the only time kids can see their friends, so not being able to do that for months at a time is really anxiety driving,” says Cooper. He works with patients on not letting their anxieties escalate and provides them with tools to calm down.
For parents dealing with children facing anxiety or mental health issues at home, he suggests mindfulness videos on YouTube. Otherwise, parents can listen to music or watch movies with their kids. Let them show you songs or movies they like. These are good practices for bonding and learning more about how your children see things, Cooper says. He recommends the cartoon Steven’s Universe and Disney’s new movie, Soul. Plus, conversations about art and interests can be a nice break from the heavy talks this year and last have brought.
