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Explaining 2020 to kids has been a challenge for many parents—in addition to juggling, well, everything else. As holidays inch closer and closer, parents will have to prepare their kids to adjust celebration expectations.
St. Louis’ Department of Health released guidelines for those who are going trick-or-treating, asking that residents stay in their neighborhoods, avoid large crowds, and make sure to mask up, to best help prevent the spread of COVID-19. If parents are considering other ways to celebrate the fall season, the department is encouraging St. Louisans to avoid traveling to rural festivals or other places where large groups of people are gathering—often without masks.
Kristen Craren and James Ahearn of Archway Therapy are seeing firsthand how their young patients are handling this year's curveballs. For example, Ahearn has noticed that, while in session with children, "if that mask starts to slide off, they're adamant that it goes back on immediately." Kids also have less threatening names for COVID-19, such as "the big sick" or other terms, likely used by their parents.
When discussing the pandemic, Ahearn says a lot of really young patients "play doctor," and diagnose him with the virus but then are quick to assure him that he will be OK. "But there's also a lot of grief. Many of the little ones are saying 'I'm not making new friends this year,'" he notes.
While there are kids who are enjoying learning remotely, Craren, who primarily works with teens, says many patients actually want to return to in-class learning. "They're experiencing quite a bit of depression and anxiety associated with their workload, making sure they understand everything and that everything is turned in," she says. The learning style has changed—less interaction and students are asked to be more self-reliant, with many reading and understanding concepts without a teacher physically nearby.
Kids of all ages are lacking socialization. "It's definitely taking a toll on kids’ mental health," Craren says. Add to that, cooler temperatures are coming and there will be fewer opportunities to get that socialization safely outside. And on top of that, holidays (often a great source of joy in the fall and winter) will likely be celebrated differently, if at all. Here's how the experts say parents can help:
"There needs to be recognition of the grief that is occurring," says Ahearn, "that this is not what we're adjusted to and that there is a loss of time, loss of birthday parties and trick-or-treating. This has knocked us off our game. Kids pick up on that, too."
Let your kids vocalize that they're upset. Validate their feelings but teach them how to express those feelings appropriately. "Share how you feel. 'I miss my co-workers, too, and being able to go out with friends,'" Ahearn says. This can be used when discussing the holidays: Halloween will be different. I am sad about that, too—we're going to rethink this together.
Don't rush kids’ reactions. “I find that parents are tempted to push their kids and skip over the feeling and say, ‘No, it's fine,’” says Craren. "The more you recognize and label what's going on with your kid, it eases them because they're like ‘Oh, my parents see me.’”
Explain early on that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, and so on will have to be reimagined. “Have that conversation early; don't wait until two days before or the day before," Ahearn says. "Have that dialogue with your kid about how Halloween might have to look and how we can make a new ritual.” There's a great possibility there. With Halloween falling on a Saturday this year, parents can spend the whole day with their kids rather than just dress up to go door-to-door at night. You can always reframe this year as a special year where the family does more than what kids are used to. (SLM previously rounded up St. Louis–centric alternatives here.)
“It's going to be different this year,” Craren says, “but it can still be fun.”
