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Cheerful multi-ethnic children in a park
* NOTE: This article appears in the 2019 Private School Handbook.
Early adolescence can be a trying time for students and parents alike. In addition to dealing with physical changes and demanding school loads, students often struggle to figure out their identities and navigate social pressures, both in person and online. As a parent, it can be difficult to determine how best to support kids through these years—but there are ways.
Academic Support
Homework often ramps up around seventh grade. Classes get harder, students are working with multiple teachers, and expectations are higher.
One of the most important things that parents can do is to encourage students to develop good relationships with their teachers. “If they’re struggling in a class, their teacher would be their first tutor,” says Mary Michalski, a counselor at St. Louis University High School. “The teacher is the one who can answer questions when they don’t understand the material.”
Students should know where to seek help when necessary. “You have to make students aware of all the resources that are available to them,” says David Records, an English teacher at Whitfield School. He spends the first couple weeks of the school year teaching students basic academic skills, including how to organize a notebook and take notes. “I was never taught how to take notes and realize that that is a skill that students are just expected to know,” he says.
Parents can also help students find the right place to study. “A lot of times, parents have ideas on what works best for them,” says Michalski. “They think that the student needs to sit at a table and have the brightest lights on when actually the student might learn better sitting in a comfortable chair with soft light.”
Emotional and Social Support
Early adolescence is a time when teens are figuring out their own identities. Leia Johnson, a parent of two middle school–age sons attending Zion Lutheran School in Belleville, says, “Figuring out who to be friends with and how to be a friend is part of it, too.”
Parents should encourage students to be open to new activities. “Through those kinds of activities, they are going to find other people who have common interests,” Michalski says. “It’s a great opportunity to develop friendships.”
Social media sometimes complicates matters. At school, for instance, students might consider themselves friends with certain peers—until they see photos of weekend events and realize they weren’t invited. “That’s hard,” Michalski says.
Having conversations with your kids can help them understand how to navigate certain situations. Johnson likes to have what she calls “the truth talk” with her sons when they come home upset from school. She’ll ask whether what was said about them is true. “If you can say no, then you just leave it alone, because it doesn’t matter,” she says. If it is true, she’ll ask whether they care about it and, if so, what they’re planning to do to change it. “Most of the time, the things aren’t even true,” she says. “If they are, that’s where it’s my job as a parent to step in. If you can’t fix it on your own, then I’m here to advocate for you.”
