Pan_Sukpaladisai
* NOTE: This article appears in the 2019 Private School Handbook.
In an age of likes, shares, and retweets, happiness can be fleeting. One moment, we’re riding high after posting a photo; the next, we’re reeling over a comment, learning the hard way to heed the advice of Ralph Breaks the Internet: “First rule of the internet: Do not read the comments.” Last year, Washington University assistant dean and psychology lecturer Tim Bono wrote a book on the topic, When Likes Aren’t Enough: A Crash Course in the Science of Happiness, presenting lessons from his class on positive psychology and stories from former students. His advice is useful inside the classroom and out.
SOCIAL MEDIA CAN BE DEMORALIZING, BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU MIGHT THINK.
Everyone’s felt that twinge of envy after logging onto Facebook and seeing a friend’s new car, job promotion, or engagement ring. “That constant exercise of social comparison is a major contributor to sadness and anxiety,” says Bono, “and it’s something that psychologists have known for a long time. It’s hard to be happy if you’re constantly comparing how you measure up to others.” He recommends monitoring the amount of time spent online and paying attention to how you feel after being on a social platform: “If you notice that you feel worse, you might think about reducing that amount of time and instead incorporating other behaviors,” such as exercise, sleeping, or socializing. “In the long run, those are the skills that are going to be the most useful for your psychological health.”
A GOOD NIGHT'S REST IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN NETFLIX.
Although it is tempting to stay up and binge the new season of Stranger Things, Bono’s research found that a good night’s rest is far more important. “I put sleep in the same category of physical activity,” Bono says. “It’s a physical health behavior, but it ultimately has implications for psychological health.” In fact, our brains work while we sleep, strengthening neural circuits, releasing hormones and neurotransmitters to regulate emotions, and processing new information. “The brain is hitting the Save button on everything you’ve learned,” Bono says. That’s why you might feel irritable or have a hard time recalling information after a night of little or no sleep. “It’s because we didn’t give our brain the time necessary to strengthen those neural circuits responsible for helping us feel good on a psychological level and for giving us that mental clarity,” he says.
COPING SKILLS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN TRYING TO BE "HAPPY" ALL THE TIME. Pop culture paints happiness as the biggest goal, but it’s simply unrealistic to expect to feel happy all the time. Instead, Bono suggests honing your coping skills to prepare for life’s challenges. “The happiest people, ultimately, are those who do what they can to maximize their happiness, but they come to life with a realistic understanding that life is hard,” he says. He recommends working on being grateful for the things that are going right in life rather than focusing on what’s going wrong: “It’s simply about redirecting the focus of your attention to the good things that we may simply have lost sight of.”
EDUCATION IS A POWERFUL TOOL. With depression and suicide rates on the rise, mental health education is more important than ever. Raising awareness and offering coping techniques can create “a buffer to help students overcome adversity and build wellness before their distress crosses the threshold of critical significance,” Bono says. He likens it to going to the dentist: “If you only saw a dentist after your teeth started to hurt or you could feel that you had a cavity, that’s going to be much more expensive and painful than if you took preventive measures to brush your teeth and have regular checkups.”
