Aside from the “Da-Das,” “Mamas,” and adamant “Nos,” my daughter, Katie, did not really talk until she was 18 months old—when we put her into day care. Suddenly full sentences flew forth: “Don’t leave me there… No, no, I don’t want to go.” The vision of her standing atop a bank of cubbies banging on the window, tears flowing freely, as I slipped the car into reverse to go to my office downtown is forever seared into my brain. I would sob all the way to work, repeating the mantra “She’ll be fine. She’ll be fine.” And usually, minutes after I left, she was.
For me, being unemployed was not an option—and day care was a necessity. When Katie was sick and a baby sitter was unavailable, I would take her to work, to the visible disapproval of my boss. I had no other option; the workplace had very little leniency.
My daughter grew up and went to school, and I moved on to another job. Then she got really, really sick and had to stay at SSM Cardinal Glennon Children’s Medical Center for nearly a month. My new place of employment suggested I go on family leave, which I did. Soon after Katie was out of the hospital, I was called in by the publisher to be told that I had been fired. Incredulous, I asked whether it was because my daughter had been sick. She said, “Of course. If she hadn’t gotten sick, none of this would have happened.”
Katie, all of 5 years old and wearing a mini backpack to hold the IV that snaked into her heart, was standing right there.
For parents who work outside the home, two questions are paramount: Who is going to take care of my child while I’m away? And how is my employer going to react to the simple but irrefutable fact that my family ranks numero uno?
This issue of St. Louis Family puts those matters front and center. We gathered facts and figures on dozens of day-care centers, and we talked to the experts about what you should look for and how to find out about any violations that have been committed by day-care providers.
We also turned to the employers who put your loved ones way above their corporate bottom line. We found companies that let you bring your infant to work so you can nurse during the day; who grant maternity and paternity leave; who adjust work schedules to accommodate your duties at home; and who create environments that welcome your children—even the four-legged ones.
The arguments about whether you can have it all—a happy, functioning family and a rewarding career—will forever rage. But at least we know that in a city famous for being a great place to raise kids, there are employers doing their part.
Regardless of how many times I have argued that she shouldn’t worry about it, my daughter still feels guilty about my dismissal from that job so many years ago. And I still feel miserable that she had to hear herself blamed for coming first.
