While I appreciate the amazing revolution cocktails have gone through in the past decade, enough is enough. Nowadays, adding complexity to cocktails is akin to using tweezers to place garnishes on a dish. When Olympic divers add rotations to their dives, it’s impressive. When bartenders have scores of custom bitters and exotic juices from countries that I didn’t know existed, the eye roll is hard for me to hide.
I’m less than impressed when I have to wait 10 minutes to order and another 12 minutes for them to make the concoction. By the time I get the drink, it almost doesn’t matter how good it tastes. And at $12 to $20 per cocktail, I’m not rushing out again to deal with surly barkeeps with handlebar mustaches.
I have several talented friends who make their livelihood behind the bar. Their cocktails inspire thought and curiosity, but they aren’t overly complicated and can be made with speed. So what is it that defines one great bar over another? It’s the same three things that define all great experiences.
Relaxing Atmosphere: Why is the experience always so great when I visit my favorite bartenders, Ted Kilgore at Planter’s House in St. Louis and Scott Beattie at Goose & Gander in St. Helena, California? I feel relaxed and don’t wait too long.
Approachability: The cocktail menus at both Planter’s House and Goose & Gander are straightforward, appealing to aficionados and soccer moms alike. The menus contain both classic and modern creations across a range of prices. Ultimately, the options don’t alienate anyone.
Speedy Service: No one likes waiting for a drink, but a small wait is to be expected at any great establishment. Keep it to three minutes for the order and five minutes to make the drink. How should bartenders do this if the cocktail is complicated? Batch the popular cocktails, the same way Kilgore and Beattie do.
No one likes being dismissed when asking for a Manhattan with Maker’s Mark, then being schooled with a retort that “it’s actually made with rye whiskey.” I was recently in a swanky, self-proclaimed speak-easy in Los Angeles where the bartender refused to make a drink because he couldn’t confirm the ingredients—customer service at its worst. While good service is on the wane in general, a bar that places itself above clients is both pompous and downright rude. A bar isn’t supposed to be a place where patrons should have to decipher a cryptic cocktail menu. It should be a friendly place for people to convene, share stories, and unwind.
A former sommelier at The French Laundry, Hoel serves as a senior wine advisor for Soutirage, a Napa Valley wine merchant and advisory firm.
