What are the most memorable excuses you’ve ever heard from a restaurant employee calling off for a shift? —Jack B., University City
This is like when somebody asks you to tell them a joke: You’ve heard a million of them, but if put on the spot none immediately come to mind.
Eventually, a few did.
When I was expediting orders one night in the early 80s, I noticed one of the server’s food tickets did not have the proper menu abbreviations and was written in someone else's hand. When I asked the guy what was going on, he confessed that he’d dropped some acid just before work and was too high to write out the order, so he asked the customers at the table if they would do it. The server who took over for him asked what she should say to the table, and I remember telling her, "Anything but the truth."
The most unusual excuse occurred the day that Pope John Paul II visited St. Louis, back in 1999. One of my employees had climbed a tree on the edge of Forest Park to get a better view as the pope was escorted in the Popemobile down Lindell Boulevard. The staffer allegedly fell out of the tree, sprained his arm, called with that excuse ("I injured my arm while waiting for the pope") and said he was unable to work that night. When he showed up the next day, his arm in a sling and with a doctor’s note, I shook his good hand and congratulated him. It was the best excuse I’d heard in my 20 restaurant years, one I knew I'd never hear again.
Then there was the day, while working as the general manager of a busy restaurant in Columbia, Missouri, that I was a no-show for my shift after a Mizzou football game, always super-busy nights with three-hour waits for tables. It turned out that I was in a hot air balloon (a 30th birthday present) and was unable to make a call because—due to worn out batteries—we were unable to communicate with anyone, including the chase crew. When I finally showed up (three hours late), the first faces I saw were the three hostesses—arms folded and shaking their heads—who said they couldn't wait to write me up.
Next week: other restaurant owners and chefs weigh in.
If you have a question for George, email him at gmahe@stlmag.com.
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