Photography by Kevin A. Roberts
Little-known fact: The term “regift” was coined in an episode of Seinfeld, in reference to a label maker. A fruitcake would have been a more classic example. Since before the invention of sitcoms, these colorful blocks of neon fruit and corn syrup have been everyone’s least favorite holiday treat, making them the ultimate white elephant. But take one bite of an Assumption Abbey Fruitcake, made by Trappist monks at a secluded Ozark monastery, and you’ll forget all about the stigma. “It took me a year or so to try one; then I was pleasantly surprised,” says bakery manager Michael Hampton. “It’s so common to find the hard brick fruitcake that you have to take a chainsaw to. Ours is very moist. It’s injected with rum, which people like.”
The Backstory: Manual labor is a central aspect of the Trappist lifestyle. Originally the monks at Assumption Abbey made concrete blocks, but eventually they decided (wisely, we might add) to give up that back-breaking work and open a bakery. Famous French chef Jean-Pierre Augé, who once served the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, graciously shared his secret fruitcake recipe—“then the rest is history,” Hampton says.
The Process: First, candied fruits—pineapple, raisins, cherries, currants, lemon peel, and orange peel—are soaked in a vat of Burgundy wine for a week. Each morning, the fruit that’s finished marinating is mixed by hand into simple cake batter, made with flour, brown sugar, sugar, eggs, butter, and vanilla. The mixture is scooped into pans and baked for a couple of hours. The next day, the cakes are injected with rum, decorated with pecans and cherries dyed bright green and red, and glazed with corn syrup. The cakes are packaged and aged for at least three months. “Some kind of magic happens there. I couldn’t tell you exactly what,” Hampton says. “Once it’s injected with the rum and it sits on the shelf, it tends to bring all the flavors together.” On our palate, the booziness from the rum balanced the cloying sweetness of the candied fruit.
Get Your Own: You can order fruitcakes straight from the abbey (trappistmonks.com) for $32.50, which includes shipping. The cakes are also sold seasonally at Catholic Supply, Smokehouse Market, Straub’s, and The Wine & Cheese Place. Last year the monastery sold out in early December, so don’t delay.
By the Numbers
125: Fruitcakes that the monks bake each day
2: Weight, in pounds, of each fruitcake
30,000: Fruitcakes produced at Assumption Abbey each year, where work is done six days a week
17: Trappist monasteries in the United States
0: Times we regifted our Assumption Abbey Fruitcake
