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Sure, it’s cheesy.
By “it,” we mean both the holiday and the pizza.
The holiday is Valentine’s Day, and for many of us, it’s a needlessly mushy expression of sentiment that may seem designed merely to boost sales of flowers, chocolate, and diamonds. (But don’t say that out loud in front your ladyfriend, dude – you might get cuffed, snorted at, and abandoned.)
The pizza is the once-a-year heart-shaped pie available at five local pizzerias. It’s goofy, camera-ready, low-budget, cheesy fun.
But not so fast.
Your day of heart-shaped cuisine begins at any of the Einstein Bros Bagels locations, where now through Valentine’s Day, you can buy these babies:
For lunch or dinner, we recommend a meal that elicits laughs after the box is opened: that heart-shaped pizza mentioned previously.
Ellisville’s Pizzarelli’s Pizzeria makes a heart-shaped pie in your choice of 14”, 16” or 18” sizes, with either New York or thin crust.
Mama Campisi’s offers a 16-incher (below left) with a St. Louis-style thin crust. They’ll deliver it anywhere within a 10-mile radius of the Hill restaurant, and toss in a personalized card. (OMG. So. Much. Better than flowers.)
Area locations of national franchise Papa Murphy’s Take ‘n’ Bake Pizza offer the “Heart Baker” (above right).
Soulard stalwart Joanie’s Pizzeria offers a 14” heart-shaped “pizza for two” (below).
All six locations of Fortel’s Pizza Den are baking 16” heart pizzas (below), and they’ll deliver them with optional balloons, bottle of wine or champagne, cupcakes, and/or chocolate-covered strawberries.
That all sounds fun, but some couples desire more. Some have a love of passion, torrid and sensual. Some people need… heart-shaped bologna.
This Friday, Vernon’s BBQ will tweak its weekly smoked beef bologna sandwich by, on request, turning the top layer into a declaration of love.
Vernon’s owner Matt Stiffelman has been practicing the arcane art of bologna sculpture, and is prepared to crown your sandwich with a thick slice of smoked bologna carved into a heart. He will then write sweet nothings on it, using the house barbecue sauce.
Love is sweet and pink. Love is floppy and salty. Love is all-beef.
Where to go for dessert? Consider ordering (or pre-ordering, actually) a heart-shaped pie from Pie Oh My!
These little five-inch beauties (above) are topped with the most delicate lattice crust. They’re available with strawberry or cherry fillings, or, said P.O.M. maven Jane Callahan, any filling you like if you call ahead of time.
Consider eating any of these foods with your special someone in a heart-shaped hot tub. It’s cheesy fun, too.
