Illustration by Moira Millman
The ladies sit on card-table chairs, legs crossed at the shiny-nylon ankles, pastel paper plates of cake balanced demurely on their laps. They have already played the pencil-and-paper games, tittering obediently at every allusion to bedroom lingerie. Now they will sit with glazed smiles as the bride opens package after package and everyone passes round the potato-peelers and burps the Tupperware.
When the shower’s over, they’ll hug mistily, go home, kick off their heels, and drain the Scotch.
Were you born a few decades sooner, that could have been your fate. Today, thank God, the possibilities for prenuptial partying have exploded. Women can play poker all night. Men can do what they really wanted to do, back when their pals insisted on the stripper and the cake and the whipped cream: Go play golf.
There are only a few don’ts: Don’t even joke about hiring a stripper, let alone do it. Don’t sew Life Savers to a white T-shirt so the bride-to-be can charge $1 a suck in the South Side bars. And don’t coerce guests into any game that rhymes or alliterates. We were deeply distressed to learn that according to simplyweddingstuff.com, top-selling bridal games include Bling Bling Ring and Bride Bingo.
A wedding is not a 6-year-old’s birthday party. It is a grown-up rite of passage. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have fun, but the real reason to party with close friends before the formalities is to blow off steam, reassure pals that marriage won’t alter your friendship, and make the people you love part of the change in your life. Crepe paper, contrived games, and a paper cup of Jordan almonds won’t do the trick.
First thought: simplify. Persuade someone to throw you an engagement party or couples shower, so it’s one party for both of you (two become one, remember?). Whether it’s a cocktail party or a garden party or a backyard barbecue, it will feel appropriately mature, and it will easily absorb friends and relatives of all ages.
Of course, it’s still fine to go off separately with your best friends and have a blast. Instead of doing things that are likely to be captured on digital media and used as blackmail, today’s grooms are going on weekend fishing trips. Booking golf getaways. Spending weekends at a time-share condo on the slopes or somebody’s lake house at Innsbrook. Driving to Memphis and making a night of it on Beale Street. Getting box seats for a Rams game; driving to Chicago for a Cubs-Cards game. Heading to Gateway International Raceway for high-speed excitement—or to Fairmount Park Racetrack to swill beer, eat all night from the buffet, and squint through the glass hoping for a trifecta.
Rob Schaefer, the Coronado Ballroom’s catering whiz, once put together an afternoon he describes as “a bachelor lunch with an old-fashioned barber, a shoeshine, and cigars.” Wedding planners Rachel McCalla and Amanda Hill of Lucky You Productions suggest a whiskey-and-cigar tasting at Brennan’s, a brewery tour and game, or a round of extreme paintball.
Brides might combine the shower and bachelorette party, for the convenience of traveling guests. A decorous lunch or high tea is followed by a nap and a night of clubbing downtown. Or an upscale slumber party at a great hotel. “Bring tear-jerker movies,” suggests McCalla. “Invite a lingerie consultant.” She and Hill also suggested a burlesque dancing class at Floored on Grand or a cooking class at L’École Culinaire. And then there’s the Hollyberry-catered spa day at Go!Spa—especially considerate if any of the guests are pregnant and can’t drink.
Another fun shower idea—one that lets guests flex their creativity—is arranging to use a craft studio. If 12 women descend on a pottery studio and spend a couple of hours painting, the bride-to-be ends up with a set of 12 quirky, lovingly created plates for her first party.
Alternately, those we spoke to suggested that the gals cut loose with a roller-skating party or something equally goofy, like miniature golf. Or take a float trip or rent a cabin in the woods. Or, if the maid of honor insists on party games, videotape the groom answering questions you then pose to the bride.
Whatever you do—be it a gentle get-together or a bacchanale—just make sure it’s your idea of fun.
