First of all, there's that title: 101 Things I Hate About Your House. Written by interior designer James Swan, with an assist from Carol Beggy, the book goes step by step, room by room to point out every possible faux pas you have inadvertently made.
I suspect I won't be asking him to dinner if he ever jets in from his Beverly Hills base. But his treatise will make you both laugh and cringe. While he'd be great fun at a bar—or on a lifeboat, I fear his critical eye would make me, and the sweet people I live with, painfully self conscious in our own sweet home.
Here's a sampling of what "Dear Dazed Reader" he despises:
• Forgetting to put a mirror in the foyer
* Rubber-backed bath mats in the power room. Actually, banish all rubber-backed rugs from the house.
• Furniture up against the walls in the living room.
• Uncomfortable dining room chairs, overly large centerpieces, and paper napkins.
• Grouted-tile countertops, appliance graveyards, and crystal chandeliers in the kitchen.
• Uncomfortable furniture, too many cords, too little storage space, and leftover food in the family room.
• Libraries that are too small, highly disorganized, and "plain as a mud fence."
• For children's rooms ("Dear Pupil of Prepubescence"), he rails against tapping a theme or going overboard on the expense.
• For the master bedroom, "brazen bed linens," TVs, hardwood floors and cavernous bathrooms.
And while I flinched when I read it (too many things he hates reside happily in my own home), he did make me giggle. For example, while on a tear about how important it is that your front door be in tip-top shape, he adds, "unless white-trash-travesty is what you had in mind…" About bright lights at that dreary door: "When did Escape from Alcatraz become the inspiration for the light levels outside our home?"
I could go on and on. The book is definitely worth buying and reading. When I head home tonight, it will be with my copy tucked securely under my arm. Armed with an expert eye, I believe some freshening up in the ol' abode is overdue and some rubber-backed mats overused.
Christy Marshall, editor-in-chief, St. Louis AT HOME
