Greg Gorman
It’s the most wonderful time of the year—John Waters is coming to town. The Pope of Trash, the filthy mind that inflicted Pink Flamingos on the wide world, slithers up from Baltimore to present his raunchy one-man holiday extravaganza at the Sheldon on Friday, December 14. The show is sure to be an exquisite and bracing antidote to the wholesome treacle shoved down our throats for most of the holiday season.
St. Louis Magazine caught up with Waters by telephone to talk shopping lists, holiday cheer... and liquor.
Christmas is coming! When do you start writing the show?
Are you kidding? Usually I write my Christmas show in July. This year I was a little late because I was finishing writing my book that I just turned in. I’ve been working on [it] for three years, so I wrote [the holiday show] in September. I haven’t learned it yet, but now I’m beginning to learn it because I usually add lots of new material. I always add new material. I’m thinking about it all year. I get different ideas for it all year, and I throw it in a cubbyhole, so it’s something that I’m continually working on. And then when I’m on my Christmas tour itself, I look out in airports and stuff, and it really is Christmas! It all becomes material to me. But then I see, "Oh my God, I have to buy 150 presents!" It gets complicated—to shop and do a tour is impossible.
Who do you buy for?
My family, my employees, my friends. I have a huge party every year [and] we’ve been giving stuff to each other, a certain group of friends, for 40 or 50 years. So it’s pretty large. I start buying early. I don’t know how I do that—I better start tomorrow! I think I have two presents, and I have to buy about 100.
Do you have a naughty and nice list?
Well, the people I give presents to… I mean, I don’t give porn to people. Well, actually, I have, if it’s the right kind of person who would want it. Vintage porn is highly collectible. I look at it, but as art pieces—just the covers and stuff. It’s racy.
It’s not about how much money you spend; it's about how much time you spend finding the perfect little weird thing in a thrift shop or a used bookshop or something. Or it’s something you’ve made. Matter of fact, if someone spends too much money, it’s kind of vulgar. And embarrassing! It’s inappropriate to give me an expensive gift. I don’t know you that well! I’ve never had sex with you!
This is true. How should families handle our complicated social climate during the holidays?
Families are divided. I’m suggesting everyone hand out whistles and anytime anyone talks about politics, blow the whistle. Or get into a fistfight, and the tree will fall over. That happened to my grandma—she was pinned down. That happens all the time. People tell me stories all the time. It’s always either liquor or the dog.
John Waters performs A John Waters Christmas on Friday, December 14, at 8 p.m. at The Sheldon Concert Hall. Ticket start at $36. Seriously, don’t bring your kids.
