When I was younger, I used to wonder why certain women chose the hairstyle they had. Like, why all old ladies seem to have helmet hair or why all young mothers chopped their hair to the shoulder after having a baby. Some 25 years later, and I'm still clueless as to what motivates people to craft their appearance into some of the curious molds they choose. I've given up wondering about those things.
Or maybe I haven't. Let's see, with the advent (and ridiculous accessibility) of Googling anyone I can think of from my past, I often spy on people's profiles, and I marvel at the incongruity of who they are in real life and who they show themselves to be online. Women with glasses who have Facebook profile pictures of them without glasses. Or paunchy, balding middle-aged men who have photos of themselves throwing frisbees in their early 20s. I get that everyone wants to look better to the outside world and would chose to have a little control over what people see in that regard. Who wants to be paunchy or four-eyed by choice?
Remember "Doppelganger Week" on Facebook? A viral post went around, asking everyone to choose their famous counterpart and make it their profile picture. Talk about upgrading! Nobody had the balls to get real, including me. I chose Tina Fey although I never looked like Tina Fey before I wore glasses. I think my whole face is now summed up by "GLASSES". The person I should have really picked was Garth from Wayne's World but my husband was so mortified at the idea of anyone thinking to themselves that he was, indeed, married to Dana Carvey with a Dutchboy was too much for him to bear.
And what is it with married women posting photos of themselves in bikinis? Girl, just because you've got a couple of kids in the picture and the ocean as a backdrop does not make it any less tacky than some mother showing up at a PTA meeting in leopard capris and a see-through blouse. Great, you had a couple of kids and your body still looks good, but why do I care? Are you trying to make me jealous? Trying to take attention away from your face? Not working. Sorry. You don't show up at carpool in a thong and heels, do you? It's not a picture anymore—it's an unspoken message about who you want to be and not who you really are.
And the saddest of all is people who choose photos of their children to represent themselves. You have completely lost yourself when you do this. Love your kids, I sure do mine, but you are not your kids—they are not one and the same. Your kid will be on Facebook at 16 soon enough and you will be left to find a photo of you that you can stand when that happens.
The most accurate photo I could ever post of myself would be from the perspective of my 5X magnifying mirror, squeezing blackheads. You know what, I'm going to do that. See ya. Or should I say, "See me"?
Madeline Meyerowitz is the owner of enokiworld.com, a website specializing in vintage designer clothing.
