Everybody is a writer. By writer I’m not referring to a person whose craft is working with language, but absolutely everybody who happens to be literate. Because words are used every day, whether by journalists, poets, diary keepers or pen pals. We all have a duty to protect the English language. Everybody’s picking through it these days, taking what they want, leaving the rest to die on the grapevine. Society at large has become intoxicated on brevity, not correctness -- and if that means turning “you” into “u,” so be it. These days, after all, it’s all about what “u” say, not how you say it. But there’s a different, older, problem. While communicative lingo is still inventing itself, finding new ways to shed letters, all the while punking punctuation and turning spelling into a creative endeavor, some musty old expressions steadfastly refuse to die. Clichés, we must remember, all began life as brand-spanking-new ways of saying things. It’s just that, at some point, they began to overstay their welcome; to morph into verbal cardboard. So then, why do people still allow these phrases to mar their vocabulary of expressions? Because if they weren’t so overused, they wouldn’t be clichés. And there will always be clichés. They’re contagious, insidious, and if we don’t watch our tongues, they threaten to make us all into predictable clones.
As we head text-first into a brand new year, I’d like to take a look at some expressions that not only have worn out their dubious welcome, but amaze me with their wretched longevity. People use them zombily, by rote, seemingly oblivious to the staleness on their tongues. I realize that listing the worst, most annoying and played-out phrases has in itself become a cliché. The irony hasn’t been lost on me. But this gives me the chance to make a disclaimer that, as a writer, I’ve been extremely guilty of using them. They’re almost unavoidable. But I never seek them out – and if I’m forced to look at a cliché, with my eyelids taped open, I can recognize it a mile away.
I’d be happy beyond words if I never again had to hear – to endure – the awful “not so much.” I’m not sure where this smug little triptych had its origins. But I think it’s time to go back to “not that much,” or “not as much” -- or preferably something without “much” at all.
“24/7.” Anybody who still uses this hyperbolic, math-problem-looking cliché should be forced to spend two weeks in a 7-11 eating stale bread. It’s self-important. Worst of all, it has no credence as a description of anybody’s schedule, no matter how hard they work. Human beings need sleep.
“At the end of the day.” Sadly, the day of this aphoristic locust was over a long, long time ago. It’s almost tempting to go back to an old, retired expression instead; namely, “when all is said and done.” Or even “eventually.”
I’d also like to examine a couple of clichés that have found their way onto the radio; ones which, although quite subtle, should be tried in cliché court.
Anyone who listens to talk radio will undoubtedly hear several – if not most – callers use up 10 seconds of their valuable time by prefacing their comment with a useless, “Thank you for taking my call.” Next, from the host, comes the awkward “you’re welcome” – but the best radio hosts sound annoyed when they’re thanked. They urge the caller to get on with his or her comment. Then, at some point, the caller announces that “I’ll take my answer off the air.” Darn, I was hoping the citizen pundit would ramble on a few more minutes.
Pardon the Andy Rooney-isms. I’m all clichéd out – but I welcome your own favorite cringe-worthy expressions.
Jordan Oakes is a local journalist who has written for publications such as St. Louis Magazine and the Christian Science Monitor. He has strong opinions that begin to atrophy if he doesn't exercise his right to express them. Tune in every Wednesday for another installment of Mediatribe - and if you missed last week's post, click here.
