Simply put, what is it about Simons? The former movie critic for New York magazine, John Simon, had a gift of frankness that bordered on the personally hurtful. (Some say he was fired for just that reason.) And in recent years, American Idol’s Simon Cowell has become the gold standard for telling it like it is.
It’s fair to say that Cowell’s knack for muddying the waters between honesty and viciousness has driven American Idol more than any of its contestants have. It’s important, however, to point out that he’s done some impressive things off-screen; in that sense, he’s practically worthy of being a role model for other, more ethically adrift celebrities. His support of animal-rights charities alone renders his moral character practically judgment-proof.
But then there’s the program itself – a glorified Gong Show with a smug self-importance that far exceeds its grasp. Now that we’re between seasons, and life for American Idol’s hanging-on-every-lyric audience has found other ways to live vicariously, it seems safe to put the show on stage like one of its contestants and tell it like it is. The series is based on a conceit, of course; an impossibility – that stars can be made. Nobody can predict who will become famous; much less can they make them that way. Fame is based on the sort of staying power that comes from a mystery generator. The source that powers the limelight is a secret kept somewhere else in the universe. At the very least, it’s like the stock market or the horse races. Supposedly, Cowell and his co-hosts have a special ability that allows them to discern a star-worthy performance from an unexceptional one. Really, the performances don’t vary that much. The appraisals, for all their presumed expertise, are never more than a matter of taste. But it’s the audience, of course, who has the ultimate say. I’m sure that if somebody did a study to determine how many people who voted for the winner actually bought his or her album months later, the results would show how quickly people lose interest; how fickle they are between the (cell-phone) buttons. A few stars have risen from the Idol murk, but most albums released by the others have tanked. And some of the runners-up, or even earlier eliminated contestants, have done much better than the winners. What’s more, even the fleeting idols-within-Idol – hair-centric flukes like Justin Guarini and Sanjaya – have shown a cultural permanence that barely exceeds that of Kato Kaelin.
What are Cowell’s and the other judges’ qualifications for knowing what makes a star? Well, first we must rule out their ostensible talent for ruling people out. Any person off the street has the ability to decide who should pass or fail the early auditions. Cowell has been involved with record labels, and he’s had some hits with a few of his bands -- but none of his protégés could be considered stars in any way. Randy Jackson is a talented musician who has played and recorded with some legendary combos – but ironically, though Jackson himself is the common link in a stunning roster of household names, he was never famous or even heard-of until American Idol. Paul Abdul – well, she’s gone, so I don’t have to talk about her. Let’s just say I’m firmly in the camp that says Ellen DeGeneres is exactly what the show needs – a sharp pin to pop the inflated egos. The worst performances have been at the judges’ table.
Jordan Oakes is a local journalist who has written for publications such as St. Louis Magazine and the Christian Science Monitor. He has strong opinions that begin to atrophy if he doesn't exercise his right to express them. Tune in every Wednesday for another installment of Mediatribe - and if you missed last week's post, click here.
